


Espousing Tarzan

by IDetestTragedy



Series: Consorting Tarzan [2]
Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Adventure, Crack, Humour, M/M, Parody, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-21
Updated: 2015-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-18 23:11:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 27,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3587577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IDetestTragedy/pseuds/IDetestTragedy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the depth of a jungle of an unknown land, in a world where the art of telling a lie was a stranger to Squalo, he met Xanxus. Romantic comedy AU with splashes of adventure. This is the crack version.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Espousing Tarzan

**Author's Note:**

> Credits: Hail many form man for such an awesome beta reading and many thanks to all the reviewers who contributed towards the improvements of this fic
> 
> By the way, the jungle where Superbia ‘Tarzan’ Squalo resides isn’t in Africa, but in an imaginary isle somewhere in west Australia; hence, the animals here are given Aboriginal names instead. Despite the pseudo-Australian ambience, the setting is by no means accurate. And don’t blame me for the absence of African faunas like elephants, hyenas, zebras, giraffes, etc.
> 
> Italian rank of nobility: re (king) & regina (queen) – duca (duke) & duchessa (duchess) – marchese (marquess) & marchesa (marchioness) – conte (count/earl) & contessa (countess) – visconte (viscount) & viscontessa (viscountess) – barone (baron) & baronessa (baroness) – cavaliere (baronet) & dama (baronetess/lady) – patrizio (patrician) & patrizia (patrician).
> 
> The saltwater or estuarine crocodile (Crocodylus porosus) is the largest of all living reptiles. It is found in suitable habitats in Northern Australia, the eastern coast of India and parts of Southeast Asia. A crocodile shot in Queensland in 1957 was reported to be 8.5 metres (28 feet) long, but no verified measurements were made and no remains of this crocodile exist; still, large (6 metres +) specimens are common in this area. Saltwater crocodiles generally spend the tropical wet season in freshwater swamps and rivers, moving downstream to estuaries in the dry season, and sometimes traveling far out to sea.
> 
> The giant grouper / brindlebass / brown spotted cod / bumblebee grouper / Queensland groper (Epinephelus lanceolatus) is the largest bony fish found in coral reefs. It reaches up to 2.7 m (8.9 ft) in length and 400 kg (880 lb) in weight.
> 
> There are two species of cryptids mentioned in this story: Australian ‘Phantom’ Panther and Bush Ape, a.k.a. yowie (basically, the Australian version of Bigfoot). Let me emphasise that Australian bush apes are closer to yetis than to normal African apes.
> 
> A male kangaroo can have sex five times a day.
> 
> Gallivat / Galleywat = 18th-century small ship propelled by 40 - 80 oarsmen and 1 - 2 sails, typically used by the Angria pirates in the Indian Peninsula, particularly the Malabar Coast (but if 5 of One Piece crew can handle the caravel-type Going Merry that is supposed to be operated by at least 15 crew in RL, so can the Varia handle a gallivat, right?)
> 
> Crow’s nest = a basin-shaped lookout point in the upper part of the mainmast of a ship
> 
> The humpback grouper / panther grouper / Australian barramundi cod (Chromileptes altivelis) is a species of carnivorous fish in the Serranidae family that can reach up to a size of 50 cm (20 in). 
> 
> Davy Jones’ locker = realm of the dead for pirates
> 
> This fanfic uses British English (some spelling and punctuation differences, such as single quotations for normal speech).

 PROLOGUE

Possessing a hyper-intuition meant Tsuna was aware that cosplay—ahem,  _the art of disguise_ —was not the only implementation of Reborn's quirk. Being the little wimp he was, however, meant Tsuna dared not go against his diminutive tutor despite all his precautions. Thus, he did not object to the Arcobaleno's idea of 'spending time with the Varia'.

For twelve consecutive days, both sides were to be sent their guardians, one by one, to familiarise themselves with the others. Gola Mosca, who was in the state of beyond restoration, was excluded. So was Mukuro, who was still on the run from the Vindice (because some of the higher-ups disapproved with his dismissal from the prison); he even entrusted Fran in the Varia's care for a while. For Tsuna, sending Gokudera, who carried on his request with absolute obedience, or Yamamoto, who was friendly by nature and was excited with the prospect of seeing Squalo, or Ryohei, who was more than delighted to spar with Lussuria, was not a problem. Sending Hibari needed much coaxing and still wouldn't have succeeded without the Bucking Horse's interference.

Lambo agreed to go to the Varia mansion as soon as Reborn told him that he had arranged several candies to be hidden in the Varia garden for Lambo's retrieval. When all the candies had been collected and night time came, however, the Varia got a headache from the Vongola X's little Thunder Guardian's whining. 'Lambo-san can't sleep. Mama always tells Lambo-san a bedtime story. Even when we went to the future world, Haru or Kyoko told me one every night.'

'Oh, you want a motherly touch? How sweet! Don't fret; leave it to big sis Lussuria!' The epicene sat on the side of Lambo's bed, assuring the near-crying child.

'Once upon a time, there was a pretty girl named Cindere―'

The Afro boy tossed his body here and there, rolling across the bed. 'Nooo! Lambo-san already knows that story. Tell Lambo-san something different!'

'All right,' Lussuria complied. 'A long time ago, in a kingdom far, far away, there was a wicked queen who had a magic mirror and—'

'Lambo-san also knows  _Snow White_. And  _Peter Pan_. Oh, and  _Rapunzel_. Also,  _The Little Mermaid, Pinocchio, Beauty and the Beast, Princess Kaguya, Urashima Taro, Tanabata, The Firebird, The Carpenter's Axe, Goldilocks and the Three Bears, Thumbelina, The Ugly Duckling, Jack and the Beanstalk, Puss in Boots, The Emperor's New Clothes, The Happy Prince, The Princess and the Pea, Little Red Riding Hood_ …' On and on Lambo's list went.

'I get it,' the Mohawk grinned, 'I'll tell you something you've never heard before—a story which I myself invented.'

_It'll be fine if I just change the name of the characters and modify the story a bit_ , thought Lussuria, satisfied to get Lambo's full attention. After clearing his throat with the most feminine cough he could muster, the Varia's Sun Guardian began his tale.

In what he considered as was a wonderful voice for storytelling, but in what the listener thought was a creepy enough voice to rouse goosebumps on five-millennia-old fossils, Lussuria began, 'Centuries ago, in a faraway land across the sea, there lived a—'

'Boo!' interrupted Lambo. 'Even the beginning sucks.'

Lussuria paused, racking his brain for a less conventional way to convey his words. A couple of seconds later, he restarted the narration of his tale.

* * *

CHAPTER I

One night, Marchese Xanxus Ira Alfero woke up and felt so … wet!

This man, who had been sleeping like a log, did not hear the noise of the falling masts. Nor of his cowardly, fleeing crew, for that matter. The wealthy man thus maintained his beauty sleep until the seawater engulfed him and the night air froze his bones. One moment he rose above water, and the next, he was swallowed up by the relentless waves. He found himself quite alone in the vast body of the ocean. There was no more ship to shelter him; his luxurious bed had even been reduced to a lousy, commoner's piece of driftwood.

'FUCK!' The scarred man used his precious breath to swear at the top of his lungs—an action that he soon regretted, for the gallons of brine around him poured into his throat to shut him up. Truth be told, his situation did not seem to hold the slightest prospect of a bright future. Yet, he was Xanxus, and under no circumstances was  _the_  Marchese Xanxus Ira Alfero allowed to panic.

Noticing the absence of his shipmates in his surroundings, he alleged that they must have become fish food. 'Heh! That serves those shit-lickers right for daring to not wait on me hand and foot!'

Xanxus would not have been in this mess, had he not left his homeland in search for gold.

Before the infertile codger King Vongola IX croaked, he decreed that his throne would be given to a successor who got the greatest treasure for the glory of the kingdom. Thus, lords and peasants competed to set forth in their own journey to find gold.

Standing out most of these contestants was Marchese Ira Xanxus Alfero, a nobleman who wielded the power to make heavens tremble. Shortly after celebrating his twenty-fourth birthday with a night of drunken song, dance and awkward one-night stands, he gathered a hundred of his followers and set sail to an unknown land beyond the sea. The men climbed up the gangplank in full eagerness, sand churned in surf, seafarers loaded a cargo of food supplies, then heaved out, away in their overpriced ship.

The damned thing was, when they were at sea, a storm broke out and Marchese Xanxus' glorious ship was destroyed. Most of the sailors sank into the bottom of the ocean; others perished later, after fate tossed them around. The closest island within sight was inhabited by scary monsters; the next island grew poisonous plants; and the third one contained nothing but rocks. Therefore, the choices for these doomed men if they survived from drowning were to be devoured by wild beasts, mortally poisoned by plant consumption or having to chew on rocks for the rest of their lives.

Xanxus, however, refused to become fish food. With the stars as his only guide, he swam alone across the dark grey water hour after hour. Alone, he battled against the furious lash of the waves, spat the salty water that repeatedly got into his mouth and discarded the floating seaweeds that so often tangled his hair. It was water, water, water everywhere, yet not a damn trickle to soothe his thirst. After urging all the strength left within his limbs to carry him towards land, he reached the rock-fanged shore of an islet shortly before daybreak. In exhaustion, he crawled onto the sandy beach and snored the following minute.

When Xanxus reopened his eyes, the sun glared at him from its zenith and the clouds paraded above him like some odd-looking creatures. Below them, stretched a tremendous field of golden sand intersected by occasional weeds. On the extreme verge of the horizon, lay a long chain of mountains of which rugged summits were veiled with thin mist. With such ample sunlight, it also became apparent that the coral beds on the shoal were as red. It was fucking red. Like blood. In fact, the water in this part of the shore bore the same bloody colour.

_Had some sharks forgotten to clean up after their meal?_ He scratched his chin.

However, after observing that the waves which crashed against the rocks and spewing their spray in the air were white instead, Xanxus realised that the redness of the water was caused by the red algae that grew at the bay.

_Freaking plants!_

He disliked this God-knew-where creepy island and the sooner he got himself out of there, the better. But first, he needed to replenish himself after such a long journey.

Carefully, he took a few steps into the shoal, until his knees were immersed in the blood-red liquid. The sand was soft underneath his feet, but the occasional rocks and little shellfish jabbed his soles. Never letting his gaze off the water, he searched for any passing fish between the algae and the limpets. Each fish he detected, however, was smaller than his finger; how could he eat such skimpy things? It was not until ten dragging minutes later that he noticed an approaching fatty lobster.

Xanxus surged forward to pick up the lobster by grabbing its back, just above where the tail connected to the body, so that the lobster would not be able to bend its claws back enough to pinch him. Nonetheless, at that moment, the sea floor beneath the lobster roused. A large, flat fish with a long saw-like snout and a shark-like tail leapt to ambush the prey from below, capturing the creature with its strong jaws in a tenth of a second, leaving Xanxus with only his agonising appetite. Having brownish grey colour perfect for a camouflage, the sawfish had previously buried itself into the sand and mud at the bottom of the ocean floor; it had remained unnoticed to Xanxus until now.

'Crusty dragon!' swore Xanxus. Why did this hideous fish have to appear when he was nearly starving to death, especially considering that most bottom-dwellers were normally active at night?

He looked at the creature again. This one was still a kid or an adolescent at best; its length barely even reached a metre. The starving man had the chance to catch it and his only chance was brief.

_NOW!_

The shark-like ray was still in the process of gulping the fat lobster when Xanxus grabbed its slim tail without a second thought. Giving the ferocious creature no time to turn around to bite his hands, he hurled it straightaway onto the shore.

The fish landed on the sand with a boom, some nine yards away from where Xanxus stood, raising clouds of dust over the waterless grains. It thrashed around in attempt to return to the sea, but its struggles were in vain; soon, its captor waded back to the sandy beach and set its flat body ablaze with an orange flame. Et voilà; instant dinner! It was a good thing that there wasn't anyone to peep and jeer at him at how he had used his mighty Flame of Wrath for cooking.

While waiting for the fish to cool down slightly, he removed his soaking wet boots and attire. After laying his clothing articles on the sand to let the sea breeze blow upon them, the raven-haired man gazed at the clump of trees and shrubberies that skirted the beach. There was a forest stretching beyond, and he planned to explore it after he finished his meal.

The fish was burnt to a crisp—uh, scratch that—it was overcooked in the outside, but still partially raw inside. Hence, Xanxus learnt that he ought to roast the meat with a stake over the fire rather than burning it straightaway with the brutal power of his Flame of Wrath the next time he prepared a meal. For now, though, hunger compelled him to consume the horrible dish.

* * *

CHAPTER II

Xanxus was halfway finishing the fish when the bushes rustled. Amongst the leaves, something moved in such a blurry speed that the stranded Vongolian could not make out its shape until it stopped near the fire. It was a man.

The bloke seemed to be a couple of years below him, with long, tousled silver hair flowing to his hips. Other than a piece of loincloth made of wolf pelt, he was naked, but a dagger of sharpened flint was tied onto his left forearm, extending to his knuckle. Squatting, he sniffed at the smoke and coughed. Then, he touched the flame for a couple of seconds before removing his scorched hand and dipped it into the sand, howling in pain.

Xanxus eyed the mysterious creature before him. What kind of idiot would touch fire? It was as though this stranger had never seen fire before. But then, what kind of man would not know the nature of fire? Was he a primitive? Then again, the man with the loincloth growled and glared at the fire, as if it were a living thing that had offended his honour.

At length, since the fire did nothing to him, the silver head turned to Xanxus, who was still gnawing on the sawfish.

The long-haired man emitted what sounded like ' _ooh-ooh-ooh_ ' in varying lengths and intonations. Actually, this was a reproach for endangering the sawfish population. Not only did the species mate once every two years with an average litter of around eight, but they were also sexually immature before the age of ten. Given the sawfish's low reproductive rate and slow growth, which thus made them especially slow to recover from overfishing, the islander thought it best not to consume the fish while other options were available.

However, there was no way Xanxus could speak ' _ooh-ooh-ooh_ '. 'GET YOUR OWN FOOD, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!' he yelled, fending off the silver-haired man's hand from the meat.

The man in a fur loincloth drew back with a long growl. He no longer looked like a naughty monkey, but like a fierce wolf now, especially with his new posture, standing on both feet and both hands. The look in his eyes grew savage and the aura around him exuded imminent danger.

Without further warning, he leapt at Xanxus, tackling him until the latter fell onto the ground. The marchese retaliated, grappling with all his might. Like beasts of the jungle, the two men rolled violently, gathering sand, shells and pebbles as they whirled in circles. Repressing each other, they contested for dominion—muscles met with muscles, sweat with sweat, and skin with skin.

Gradually, Xanxus' annoyance faltered into excitement. No man in the Vongola Land had ever defeated him in a dogfight. Yet, this untamed beast stood on par with him in terms of power. Would what had remained unconquerable for years lose today?

The long-haired man's flint blade went for Xanxus' jugular. As it tore down hard and revelled in the gush of rich, coppery, viscous heat, the taller man brought his fist hard and fast. The wild beast's blade released his neck as the knuckles sank into his opponent's belly, driving upward, and elevated him to ankle-high above the ground. It served too lightly as a finishing blow for a man of this standard, but at least it hampered him briefly. The islander collapsed against the newcomer, failing to ignore the fierce flames of hell within his broken ribs, panting hard as he tried to work around this agony.

The pain did a curious thing to the beast, however. It focussed him, utterly. Somehow, it put him in a clear space where everything made perfect sense. He made a better judgement on what he had to do next.

The adversary sprang forward, reaching down, trying to seize his opponent's legs. The two grappled with arms coiled around each other. One lifted the other in an attempt to throw him to the ground, but the long-haired islander landed on his feet with a cat-like grace.

For a moment, the two fighters circled each other warily. They did more grappling and twisting, but neither man could throw the other to the sun declined to the western horizon. It was a growl that put an end to their fight, but this time, the growl did not come from the islander's mouth, but from his stomach.

Xanxus reached for the untouched portion of the sawfish. 'Here.' He tossed it to the wild man's lap.

For a few seconds, the beast eyed him with suspicion and doubt, but the next moment, the silver-haired man sniffed the chunk of meat and shovelled it into his mouth. He ate hastily in case other creatures might come to snatch the meal from him.

Xanxus gathered his clothes. They were still damp, but being naked in the company of another man made him feel more than a bit uncomfortable. He did not, however, wear his boots, for their excessive wetness brought his feet great discomfort.

Before Xanxus finished draping himself, however, the primitive held the shirt. Xanxus, who assumed that the beast wanted another round, prepared himself to fight once more. Instead, the islander leapt behind him and licked the wounds on his back. Xanxus stood rigidly. Even though he could guess as much that this was the way the beast thanked him for the meal, it did not change the fact that this beast was a  _man_.

When senses found their way back to him, he pushed the silver-haired man aside. 'Don't do that!'

The man in loincloth pushed him back and repeated his words, 'Don't do that!'

'Don't fucking repeat my words, scum!' bellowed Xanxus, wearing a glower.

Again, the primitive imitated his words with louder volume.

Scowling, Xanxus balled his fists. It was clear that this beast knew nothing of the language of man. Finally he glanced sideways at the fish bones lying on the sand. He met this wild islander while eating a shark-like fish, why not call him one then?

'Squalo.' He pointed at the beastly man's chest. Then, he pointed at his own and said, 'Xanxus.'

The primitive understood his intention. This time, he pointed himself as 'Squalo' and called 'Xanxus' with his index finger pointing at his speaking adversary.

Thus, for the first time in his life Xanxus learnt to teach.

* * *

CHAPTER III

The next morning, it took the combined force of the bird chirps, spider bites and glaring sunrays to rouse Mr 'oh-so-morning-person' from his sleep. He studied his surroundings; no matter where Xanxus' gaze travelled, his eyes saw trees, trees and more trees. Had he remained in his comfortable mansion in the Vongola Kingdom, a servant would lay out breakfast before him in an instant with only the ring of a bell. Here, in the middle of this uncivilised jungle, the aristocrat had to hunt for his own meals or ate dirt for the rest of his life.

The grass was sparkling with morning dews and the fresh smell of the wet soil was truly nice. Even so, to Xanxus nothing could be better than the sight of a chubby wombat gnawing over the sedge some ten yards ahead. Saliva dribbled from Xanxus' mouth as he eyed his prey, its short, stubby tail and fleshy rear were facing him. Although the hungry man approached the seemingly oblivious creature as furtively as he could, the rustle of the dead leaves on the forest floor made him far too obvious to the all-knowing sandy brown marsupial, which was quick to slip into its burrow in spite of its short legs.

On an empty stomach, Xanxus explored the deeper part of the forest. He set his eyes on a cloud of flying-foxes roosting in trees. They were hanging upside-down from the branches with their wings wrapped around their body so that only their grey heads and the upper portion of their reddish chest were visible. A deep slumber closed their eyes, giving Xanxus more confidence to capture at least one of them. Yet again, this turned out to be a false hope, for the winged creatures were far more sensitive to sound than the wombat was and flew higher than a mere man could reach.

Xanxus' next target was a termite-eating numbat, its prominent bushy tail moving slightly as it was digging the soil with its front feet. Xanxus was so surprised to discern the numbat's tongue stretching out to half the length of its body while extracting numerous termites from the mound that he hesitated on whether he should eat it, and even then decided to watch the creature for a while. Beneath the mammal's reddish brown coat banded with white stripes and a paler underbelly were rather small and delicate limbs.

_That animal doesn't look like a fast runner_ , thought Xanxus.

This time, the hunter did not bother to hide himself. He sprung and dashed, hoping to overwhelm his prey with speed. And at last, his efforts were rewarded. The numbat made a frantic attempt to flee, but as a creature with the maximum speed of thirteen kilometres per hour, its stubby little legs only carried it as far as the nearest stream before Xanxus laid claim to his prize.

After meal, Xanxus gathered some flexible Acacia twigs to create a net to ease him catching small preys. His handiwork, which happened to be the first-ever craft in his lifetime, was bad enough to be considered a crime against nature; still, at least those knots appeared to be strong enough to withstand the resisting teeth and claws of typical modest-sized creatures—just as long as they didn't possess a shinigami's bankai or a shinobi's kinjutsu. After completing the final touch to this makeshift net, Xanxus repressed a sigh; no matter how bored he felt, no jester, dancer, musician, juggler or other damn entertainers were available in this secluded isle to be made fools of. He was yawning with his arms upstretched when the king of the jungle paid him an unexpected visit.

Squalo's tanned skin glimmered in the late afternoon sunlight. With one swift motion, he snatched Xanxus' newly made net and carried it between his teeth as he ran.

'RETURN IT!' bellowed Xanxus, spurring his feet on to chase Squalo. For a moment, he forgot that the islander had no comprehension for human language.

The wild man began to climb up a very tall tree.

With no other way to convey his meaning, Xanxus repeated his shout, 'FUCKING RETURN IT TO ME, SCUM!'

The primitive climbed higher, and the enraged Xanxus was forced to follow. The newcomer clutched the tree as strongly as his could, but crept as slow as a snail in his advance, for tree climbing had never been a Vongolian noblemen's hobby. Second by torpid second crawled with glutted sluggishness, and still he made a tiny progress. On the contrary, the other man climbed so easily.

How many times the pursuer cursed a plague upon his target, he himself did not know. But Xanxus was aware that Squalo paused each time the scarred man nearly lost his grip on the tree trunk. There was even an instance when the long-haired man climbed down, almost reaching his chaser, when Xanxus nearly missed his footing and fallen backwards. It made him wonder why the islander intentionally waited for him.

The answer came to Xanxus when they reached the treetop. Squalo gave him back the stolen net with a grin and as he noticed the impressed look in Xanxus' expression. From this height, they could perceive the bird-eye view of the entire isle as though a colossal map had been spread out beneath them.

To their far left, the specks of multi-coloured shrubs of banksia, dryandra, grevillea, hakea, waratah and pea-flowered legumes had almost taken the place of grass, each species conflating its fragrance with the aroma of the others. Beyond, stretched a marsh that was bordered by hummock grassland resembling an emerald green wedge of land. To their right, thickets of allocasuarina trees were dotted here and there with the reddish columns and the shades of the sequoias. A long river running in many streams disappeared beyond a narrow gorge. Every now and then, those streams winded along the green carpet of plants like thin ribbons. A ravine occupying a major portion of the island was full of bushes and presenting a deep tangled cleft on the high side spread itself out on the other into a shallow depression abutting on a small strip of sandy shore. On the far background, mountain ridges marking the extreme limits of idyllic land speared the sky, where the effulgent solar disc, larger by far than any gold nugget Xanxus had ever seen, crept towards the orange skirt of the western horizon.

Sweet music filled their ears. Xanxus looked around to find its source and Squalo gestured towards a neighbouring tree, in which perched a congregation of golden whistlers. The birds' symphony tranquillised Xanxus' mind; gone had the exhaustion of the day's hunting, the grief for his stranded state and the longing for his homeland. He had left the Vongola Kingdom in search for gold, and now a stranger presented him with another form of treasure.

The descent from the gigantic tree, as Xanxus had foreseen, was thrice as hard as the ascent. For one reason, there was his lack of experience; for another, the twilight sky was a poor man's substitute for the day's fullest sunshine. The barks were treacherous to his bare feet and his flailing foot caught something coiling around a branch as he went down. Xanxus' eyeballs nearly popped out of their sockets the moment a black snake with yellow bands bared its venomous fangs at him. He might have met his end right here had his companion not caught the tiger snake and flung it away.

Alas, the impulsivity of the act did not grant Squalo time to consider that the snake would then land on the next tree, from which branch dangled a beehive. Both men heard harsh buzzes and soon a tiny flying object skimmed across Xanxus' cheek. One quickly became two, and two multiplied into three hundred; within seconds, the air around them was filled with winged assailants and the sound of their wrath. Before they could devise a plan, the whole affair had turned nightmarish. The two men had come face to face with a cavalcade of nature's buzziest and most annoying killers: bees. Stirred by the thudding vibration of the snake against the tree, the insects swarmed out of their home, pursuing the disturber of their peace with punishing intent.

Just as a millworker carried a sack of flour, Squalo placed Xanxus over his shoulder and climbed down the tree with astonishing rapidity. Even upon reaching the ground, he did not unload Xanxus, but escaped the bees while carrying the burden of a full-grown man.

Each man jolted at the first stinging pain, promptly followed by the second, then a third, then—they lost count. Their exposed skin received the ouchy punctures; even the haughty Xanxus did not voice his disapproval of being manhandled like this, in precaution for a bee invasion down to his throat once he opened his mouth. Moreover, try as he might, he would not be able to run with Squalo's speed under this dusky sky without bumping into the trees—the jungle king, it seemed, was relying on his sense of smell and hearing more so than sight.

With the lapse of the minutes, some of the wounds on Xanxus and Squalo's bodies went numb and started to form very conspicuous swellings in very conspicuous places; the savage little bastards would not show mercy until their rage cooled down and the menace wiped out. Or perhaps until the menace apologised in a very finely worded letter accompanied by a bouquet of flowers. The two men's minds were in unison: they had to find refuge.  _Quickly_.

Squalo smashed his way through sclerophyllous bushes, treading down the plants while brushing away the leaves that thwarted his way at the same time. Upon seeing the swarming battalion of bees, two wallabies that were in shrubland took flight themselves. Since Squalo slung Xanxus facing backwards, it was he who had to witness how the air behind them was darkened with the whirring colony. So overpowering was the horror that he did not realise Squalo had plunged themselves into a swamp until he heard the primitive man squelching about in the bog.

The jungle king squatted to allow Xanxus to disembark and the two men waste no time to dive. As the brackish water splashed around and closed over them, Xanxus wondered how many tons of animal dung had been dumped in there to achieve such foul stench. There, in the mud-swirling darkness, they swam through the sludge; they needed to approach the cluster of cattails so that they might still conceal themselves amongst the reeds upon surfacing when their breath ran out.

Xanxus felt his arm brushing a small lump as he moved forward, but having no glow-in-the-dark eyes meant that he could not see what it was in such murky water under the blanket of evening. A new dread seized him. From what his elbow told him, the object was hard as armour. It would not be improbable if what he had just touched turned out to be a portion of crocodile's skin. The Vongolian man could not wait until he reached the cattail reeds. Emerging above water as far as his neck, he saw to his relief that a short-necked tortoise was swimming under the sickly beam of the crescent moon, just minding its own tortoise-y business.

At the end of the day, the bees gave up on their pursuit and the men came out unharmed, though not before their skins got all wrinkly from being staying in the marsh for almost an hour.

Only after Squalo had left for his own den did Xanxus come to realise the full extent of the humiliation he had undergone that evening: another man had saved his life.

No one had ever  _saved_  the young Marchese Alfero. The aristocrat had hundreds of guards in his disposal; yet, all of them were hired to protect his estate. Even when he brought some guards while journeying, those oafs were there to defend his horses and carriage from stinky robbers, to shoo away crummy beggars or to run his errand on buying a drink should whimsicality prompt him.

Known as 'godlike' among the ranks of allies and a 'death god' to the enemies, Xanxus Ira Alfero was a toughie who lacked nothing to save his own sorry arse, thank you very much. The battle scars etching his body were not for decoration.

And yet, this uncouth primitive from a jungle in an unknown land, this stranger, this …  _man_  … had accomplished no other man before him had ever managed. And without seemingly any ulterior motive at that.

###

The following day, the first thing Xanxus saw the moment he awoke took him by surprise: a pair of protruding rounded eyes and a poking elongated azure tongue from a reptile, which Squalo was holding right in front of the sleeper's face. To this credit, the Vongolian aristocrat managed to limit his off-guard expression to hitched breathing without emitting an unmanly screech, although his eyes opened a little too widely than his self-respect should have permitted.

_This_   _blue-tongued skink seems to be caught very recently, while the scum was on the way here_ , deduced Xanxus as the islander shoved the dead lizard, slit on the throat and was still dripping fresh blood, into Xanxus' mouth for his breakfast.

'Yuck!'

After spitting out the reptile, Xanxus lectured Squalo that a fine meal ought to be cooked first—a waste of breath, since the jungle man could not even grasp his vocabulary.

* * *

CHAPTER IV

Such were the days, sinking one by one into the past. Life was harsh to Xanxus, who missed the touch of the civilised world, most especially the sparkling champagne that used to fill his crystal glass. However, necessity taught him to appreciate nature. Had he never got his arse out of the Vongola Kingdom, he would never had been aware of the beauty of the splashing water that came into existence when a kingfisher clawed a struggling fish from the river. Or how the splotches on a goanna's body moved as their owner climbed down from a rock to prey upon a centipede. Or how a Ringed Brown Snake reared its fore-body into an S-shape form when threatened. Or how Squalo's silver hair glistened in the rain.

Ah yes, that long hair of Squalo had some practical use; it was there for Xanxus to wipe his hands, greasy from eating his meal, to stick the dirt from nose picking or just to pull around when he had nothing else to do. Of course, Squalo would yell and try to hit him, but that was the whole point; it wouldn't be fun otherwise.

When the sun was up in the vault of heaven, the stranded man spent his time with the islander. As Squalo showed Xanxus how to gather food in the jungle, the more civilised of them taught the primitive how to speak. Teaching nouns like 'sea' or 'tree' was easy. Teaching verbs like 'kick' or 'stand' took longer to deliver, thanks to the demonstration which inevitably led to more stupid fights over nothing that delayed the lesson. Teaching adjectives and adverbs was half-neglected, for Xanxus found it too bothersome to pose with various emotions as a model.

Taking delight in Xanxus' lessons, Squalo treated every new word with the same joy as when a child received a new toy. He was very fond of speaking—much,  _much_  fonder than his teacher had expected—and the younger man continued to pester him with questions all day long. The twigs and the ground became their quill and paper. It was Squalo's rambunctiousness, more than anything, which fended forlornness off Xanxus; only when the silver head had returned to his own dwelling in the evening did loneliness remind Xanxus of his frustration.

Xanxus would not have had managed to have such  _patience_  to teach if Squalo had not been such an accomplished learner. The next day after the stranded man first taught him, the islander came with a large grin. Beaming with pride, he then told his teacher that he alone, amongst his tribe, could speak.

The scarred man snorted.

Although the primitive's grammar and vocabulary were still deficient to convey his feelings, his gesture—beating his chest with head held upright—made up for what he lacked. It was apparent that he was swelling with joy of his superiority over the primates.

'They good. Squalo more good,' said Squalo.

'Wrong!' corrected Xanxus, 'You should say: "I am better than them _._ "' In turn, he was quite oblivious that the grammatically correct version would be: 'I am better than they are _._ '

Nine weeks later, Squalo had even been able to pronounce tongue twisters, such as ' _Trentatre' trentini entrarono a Trento tutti i trentatre' trotterellando._ ' [Thirty-three people from Trentino entered Trento all thirty-three trotting along.] and ' _Se gli scrittori scrivono, perché i dottori non dottono?_ ' [If writers write, why don't doctors doct?]

Xanxus gave up teaching Squalo anymore tongue twisters ever since, and would yell at Squalo should he have so much as mentioned a tongue twister. Yet, since Xanxus did not give up teaching the islander completely despite the primitive's potty mouth and overly talkative habit, Squalo had been able to speak  _almost_  like those who were raised among other humans rather than wordless creatures five months later. Every day, he told Xanxus petty things, like how his neighbouring bush ape fell from a tree, mosquito bites, the change of weather and so on. Sometimes, he struggled for words, but those were limited to new vocabulary. His favourite word, however, was 'fuck', thanks to the frequency of his teacher's swearing.

One morning, the earth-shattering sound of 'VO-OOO-OI!' from a distance roused Xanxus from his sleep. This was Squalo's cry of victory; he always made that sound whenever he conquered a formidable enemy—poisonous serpents, wolves, and the like. Xanxus himself had killed a panther, whose pelt became the loincloth he currently wore. Having no spare clothes, he only wore the one he had to protect his shivering skin against the wind which frequently blew at its full strength at night.

'Why the hell does that scum have to be so loud?' groaned Xanxus. He approached a stream nearby to wash his face. As he scooped the water in both hands, he noticed how pale the inner part of his forearms compared the outer part. The tropical sun tanned his skin to a significant degree and made his scars less visible. He then contemplated his reflection on the calmer part of the stream, wondering what colour his complexion would show, had he still stayed in the Vongola Land. He could not help thinking:  _I could save a ton on suntan lotion._

'Don't mope.' Squalo's hoarse, rowdy voice emerged from behind, along with the swing of a vascular plant. The silver head landed next to him. 'I used to be sad, too. But hey, you're just as ugly as I am, so you're not alone.'

Xanxus' eyes narrowed. Nobody called Ira Xanxus Alfero ugly.  _Ever_.

He crushed a pebble nearby, and then, standing to his full height so that he towered above the primeval man, he growled, 'What the fuck did you say?'

'You're just as ugly as I am,' repeated Squalo casually, 'I can understand why you're depressed. It must be frustrating to see how handsome your friends and relatives with their thick hair all over their body while you are so hairless like a reptile yourself. Maybe you even feel not worth living having such small nose and mouth compared to theirs. I used to feel like that, too. But this form gives me advantages as well—there are things that I can do but the other  _yowies_  in my tribe can't.'

Xanxus looked at Squalo with disbelief. Finally, deciding that it was too bothersome to explain the difference in standards between bush apes and humans, he asked instead, 'Do you still live with your tribe?'

'Yes. Papa will worry if I don't return to our den at night.'

'Papa?' Xanxus cocked his eyebrow.

'Yes. He's the biggest yowie I've ever seen and he leads the tribe. His name is Apari.'

'And who's your mother?'

'Kanyini, Apari's mate, a big and beautiful yowie.'

'Will you take me to them?'

There was a slight pause before Squalo stated, 'No. The tribe hates strangers and papa gets angry easily.' Then, not wanting to disappoint his human friend, he quickly added, 'But I can show you another great place. Follow me.'

Squalo led Xanxus to the other side of the island, where a gigantic tree covered with thick foliage resided. Squalo climbed the tree and parted its many vines. Behind them, a log cabin perched on the tree's massive branches. After fiddling with the door locks, he swung the door open. 'Come in!'

_All right, something's definitely off with this fucktard's brain. How could he think this creepy shed as a 'great' place?_ thought Xanxus as he stepped inside.

* * *

CHAPTER V

Xanxus saw a bed for two, a cradle, a desk, shelves of books and bric-a-bracs, chests of a man and a woman's daily necessities and a broken rifle lying on the floor. All the furniture was made of wood crudely cut by an amateur.

The bones of a human's hand lay on the wooden floor next to the chair, its bony fingers grasping a truncated axe handle, of which blade was likely to have been broken during a struggle and was now embedded into the floor. Furthermore, there were traces of dried blood on the floor. The bones of the thorax were located by one foot of the bed. The rest of the skeleton bones, accompanied by shreds of apparels, lay in disarray all over the house in pieces that were too small to be identified without forensic expertise. Judging from their number, however, these bones belonged to more than one person.

Another skeleton of all was located under the cradle. It was not wrapped in any garment and was still complete. Based on its bone structure, Xanxus deduced that this smallest skeleton did not belong to a human child, but to a small primate.

So, the human couple had  _coincidentally_  placed a primate under their cradle, while Apari and Kanyini raised Squalo as their child? Yeah, right.

Xanxus rummaged the shelves. There were books about botany, weaponry, medicine, astronomy, geology, children literature—you name it. All of them were printed in Vongolian, except for one. This one book had a leather cover and inside, it was handwritten instead of printed; it was a diary—ahem, ' _journal_ '—written in the language of a far eastern country called 'Japan'.

Xanxus began to read. The first few entries had weeks or sometimes even months of interval from one to another. As he progressed, the time gaps narrowed, and towards the end, the journal was written almost daily.

_17 May 1890,_

_By Jove, King Vongola IX appointed me to find new species of plants for the global garden contest in a new land. With some luck, I shall no longer be called Conte Umberto Silvestri, but Marchese Umberto Silvestri when I get back. As for Simonetta, I'm sure she will stop badgering me about working my arse out to climb the career ladder. 'Marchesa' Simonetta Silvestri has a nice ring in it._

 

_18 May 1890,_

_Today, the ocean was so blue as we set sail. With my better half, Simonetta, and fifty men in the crew, I took off. Cheerio, Vongola, my homeland. See you next month._

 

_22 May 1890,_

_The sea was rough today. The long journey and the accumulated terrors had shaken the hearts of even the stoutest ones among us. None of the sailors or the awesome me had ever dreamt of danger, but the ship shook so violently that many of us puked. There wasn't one who didn't pray for dear life, yet our voices were drowned by the crashing waves._

 

_24 May 1890,_

_Because of the tempest that broke out last night, the captain steered the ship on a different course from my supposed destination. It couldn't be helped, I know. But then, in the unknown route, we faced a huge whirlpool. Our escape was narrow, and still, we were not safe from danger. All hands on deck, everybody rowed with all their might to get as far and as fast as possible from the eddying water before it gobbled up our ship._

_As the ocean swell rolled the ship back and forth, we paid very little attention that the ship crashed onto a sharp rock. Soon the crack became a grave leakage and the sea water that had immersed the bilge kept rising to the deck. We lowered all the available lifeboats, but after that, the turbulent waves of the sea scattered our tiny boats and never again have I set my eyes upon the rest of the crew ever since._

_The following day, the sea still heaved in mountainous waves from the outcome of the storm. But Simonetta and I sighted a landfall—sunlit cliffs, wild stone spires, sheer crags and looming headlands. We brought our boat ashore, in this very island. Thank goodness my wife managed to grab my rifle, an axe, a few clothes, one-day supply of dried food and some books and loaded them in our boat. What a dame!_

_Should I, a nobleman, build my domicile with my own hands? Such a thought would be laughable before today. And yet, I am grateful to the Lord that He still allows dearest Simonetta, myself and our babe in her womb to live._

 

_31 May 1890,_

_I have finished making our small castle—a wooden lodge for the both of us. No more sheltering under the leaves and, hopefully, less mosquitoes. Now I shall start the first draft for the bed frame._

 

_5 June 1890,_

_Our basic furniture is completed at last. They look horrible since I am a greenhorn in carpentry, but still better than none. I swear that if I ever get back to the Vongola Land, I_ will _pay my carpenters more coins._

 

_9 June 1890,_

_Dearest Simonetta has been throwing up every morning for three days in a row now. When I mentioned this to her, she grinned and told me that I would have become a father by next March._

 

Before Xanxus could continue reading, Squalo interrupted him, 'So, what does it say?'

'I'll tell your sorry arse later. Now let me finish reading, scum.'

Xanxus kept reading on. When he reached the particular entry he needed, he read it twice.

_13 March 1891,_

_Lord, I thank you that I wasn't born a woman; it scared the shit out of me to watch Simonetta writhing in agony—I dared not endure the horror of childbirth myself, not then, not ever. Just the sight of the new-born bathed in blood was enough to turn my legs into jelly. However, I was also very, very relieved that both she and our son are safe and sound. We named him 'Superbia'. He is a healthy baby boy that looks a lot like his mother, especially on the nose, ears, forehead and his silver hair, but his eyes, mouth and chin resemble mine. He has his grandfather's cheeks, but hopefully, not his snobbishness._

 

Xanxus put down the book and began turning the objects within the small cabin upside down, ransacking every corner.

'What the heck are you doing?' asked Squalo.

'Looking for any picture with humans on it.'

'Will this do?' Squalo asked just a few seconds later, pointing at an opened locket amid the disarrayed bones on the bed.

Xanxus crept closer and examined the locket. One of its sides held the portrait of a lordly man with thin moustache whereas the other side, that of an elegant woman with silver hair. Xanxus took a good look at Squalo and noticed the resemblance in the facial features of the couple in the locket and the jungle king's.

'Compared to Apari and Kanyini, don't you think these humans look more similar to you?'

'So what?' replied Squalo. His tone, however, was not at all friendly. In fact, his face bore such grim expression that could only be interpreted as 'offended'.

Yet, Xanxus continued, 'Can't your imbecilic brain guess that these humans, rather than those bush apes, are your real parents?'

'NO!' This time, Squalo positively snapped. 'The little yowies jeered at me because of this, but I've trained myself for years of tree climbing and beast fighting to prove that I'm a worthy son of the tribe leader. Though I'm small compared to the grown-up yowies in the tribe, none of them is stronger than me. Don't you dare not to acknowledge my prowess, lousy git!'

Squalo jumped from the window onto a tree, swinging rapidly from branch to branch.

_That moron!_

Xanxus returned to his reading. The journal switched to describe the weariness of a father who was roused awake by the sound of his baby's cry. At other times, there was also description of wild beasts, which, upon hearing the new-born babe's cries, trying to devour him. The description of how Umberto strengthened the locks on the door followed. On one of the later pages, Xanxus found the fingerprints of the infant.

The police had developed a new method of identification in recent years. Xanxus knew that if he could get the adult Squalo's fingerprints compared with the infant's, his identity would be revealed—if he managed to return to civilisation, that is.

The last couple of pages with Conte Umberto Silvestri's handwriting had bleak content and the last page even had spatters of blood on it.

_15 February 1893,_

_Lord, what should I do? Dearest Simonetta's fever has not cooled down; she even suffers additional headache behind her eyes, as well as muscle and joint pains, and even a rash. I think I read about similar symptoms before, and if I'm not mistaken, the name of the disease is 'dengue fever'. Considering the number of mosquitoes we have here, the possibility that Simonetta has been infected by dengue fever is quite high. But more importantly, I don't know how to cure her. Please, Lord, don't take her yet._

 

_16 February 1893,_

_Dearest Simonetta is no longer breathing. Why, o Lord, did you cruelly take a mother from her little son and a wife from a man who truly loves her to the depth of his soul? How_

 

The last sentence remained unfinished, for what followed was blood instead of ink. Since no weapon was found on Umberto's skeleton, Xanxus guessed that, in his distress, the conte was unprepared for some wild beast's ambush.

What about the baby, though? Did the ferocious beast kill Umberto, but another beast arrived and they fought for food before it had a chance to devour the Silvestri? Even so, this did not explain how the primate's skeleton was in Superbia's cradle, unless…

In his mind, Xanxus pictured that the devastated Umberto neglecting to lock the door, enabling a wolf or a panther to enter the unprotected cabin. The conte attempted a resistance using an axe, but his sad mind stood no chance against such a beast so craving for fresh meat. The predator then ate the conte and contessa, scattering their bones haphazardly throughout the cabin. When it was about to consume baby Superbia, Apari and his own son appeared on the scene.

Apari managed to triumph over the carnivore in the end, but not without paying for the victory: his opponent's claws mortally wounded his son. The leader of the bush apes was lamenting over the death of his son when he heard the cry of a human baby from inside the cradle. He hesitated, but, thinking of how desolated Kanyini would be upon facing the demise of their only child, he placed his youngling's carcass under the cradle and took the human babe home.

One thing for sure, Superbia was still safe and sound until Umberto's death; otherwise, the conte would have written what had happened to his son.

Xanxus took a deep breath as he closed the book.  _13 March 1891. That's twenty-two years ago; Squalo is about that old._

Xanxus climbed down the tree, pushed his way amidst the thickness of the leaves and began hunting for his brunch.

###

After finishing his meal, Xanxus headed for the deepest river in the jungle, ignored by the local freshwater fishes and platypuses, which knew that he would prefer to hunt something less ridiculous-looking. It was Squalo's habit to take a daily dip there when the midday sun was hottest. That day, on the contrary, the silver head was not there.

* * *

CHAPTER VI

Xanxus did not see Squalo again until the next day, when he was thinking of having seafood for lunch. Today, the water was suffused with carmine, not only from the coral and algae, but also from blood colourisation. He saw, not very far from the shore, Squalo wrestling against one of the island's greatest predators.

The salt-water crocodile attempted to deliver its death roll, its tail flexing to a significant angle relative to its body. The seven metre creature grabbed onto its prey and rolled powerfully, throwing the struggling Squalo off balance and dragging him deeper into the water to drown. Even though Xanxus was convinced that Squalo was an excellent swimmer, he was still a human who was not equipped with gills and hence six minutes was the maximum period he could hold his breath underwater. Furthermore, from this distance, Xanxus could not tell whether it was Squalo or the crocodile who was bleeding. Perhaps both.

At once, the scarred explorer rushed into the sea, plunged himself into the red water and swam to the jungle man's aid. As the distance between them closed, Xanxus perceived that Squalo's sharpened stone had wounded several places of the monster's lengthy body. However, Squalo's back, legs and left shoulder themselves were not without cuts. How acute the pain from those wounds had to be, immersed in sea water!

Xanxus resurfaced to take a deep breath before diving again. Pouring down the sea surface, the raven-haired man leapt onto the beast, struck, bit, tore. There were no words, and no movements but the tearing of teeth and claws. Squalo did not waste the chance to emerge to the water surface, giving his lungs the temporary relief they deserved. He returned soon afterwards.

After another resurfacing for the air, Xanxus stationed himself right in front of the sea monster's open maw, Dying Will X Guns in both hands. Although these did not work as well as when on land, the guns did not fail to produce the  _Scoppio de ira_. The unleashed barrage of dense flame appeared to fuse together into one large super-powerful blast that scorched the beast's throat.

While the salt-water creature's attention was divided to deal with Xanxus, Squalo seized the opportunity to slice his target diagonally, from side to side, tearing away the water in front of him. More blood gushed from the enormous beast; its thick and hard skin provided it no protection against such powerful enemy. At the completion of  _Scontro di squalo_ , the sea was redder than ever.

Gone was the saltwater monster by the combination of Xanxus' Burst of Wrath and Squalo's Charge of the Shark.

Both hunters rushed to the shore, swimming side-by-side with their booty nestling between them. The little fishes and shrimps fled from the battlefield before they were boiled by the flame-heated water temperature. Some ten metres behind them, however, three brindlebasses, which had smelt the blood from the deeper parts of the sea, whipped past the large reef behind them and were hot in pursuit. It was a matter of sheer luck that the humans reached the sandy beach a few seconds before the tip of the sea predators' jaw touched them. One brindlebass managed to nibble a portion of the dead crocodile's tail, though.

Exhausted from his wrestle with the crocodile, Squalo lay on the sand, catching his breath. Xanxus, on the other hand, tore two large leaves from a nearby tree, which he then used as containers for the disassembled parts of his guns—he had to make sure that each tiny piece dry off completely and could still work in the future.

The high meridian of the day had passed as they sat in silence around Xanxus' built-up fire. The crocodile meat made an excellent lunch for them. Still, they were unable to finish such huge chunk of flesh, so Squalo decided to bring the carcass as a feast to his bush ape tribe later.

At the moment, the jungle man was content sitting on the sand, burping and patting his full stomach. It was not until several minutes had passed by until he noticed his companion's sullen expression.

'Homesick?' Squalo scuttled and took his seat on the sand next to Xanxus.

'Why the ruddy hell would I? Vongola Land is full of corrupt mongrels.'

Although the primitive seemed to realise something was odd with the explorer's snappish tone, the speaker did not care. Sometimes it hurt to lie, but at other times, it hurt even more to acknowledge the truth.

Squalo sprang to his feet and soon disappeared behind the thickness of the tall araucaria trees.

_Heck!_  Xanxus picked a nearby cockle shell and broke it into two. Then he picked another and broke it again. Then another one. And another. He ended up losing count after the first two dozen or so.

Where was Squalo when he needed him most? Dammit!

Wait.

_Need_  Squalo? That vexing coarse unruly brute slaphappy insufferable loud-mouthed ape?

Xanxus threw the broken shells into the sea, not knowing for whom the bigger portion of his repulsion went—Squalo or his own weakness for thinking of  _needing_  Squalo. Just because this jungle man had wrestled with him, saved his life, showed him wonders his eyes had formerly refused to see, taught him how to hunt and climb trees, shared meals with him and made his stay in this isle less unbearable did  _not_  mean  _the_  Marchese Ira Xanxus Alfero had any need for such a primitive man. Absolutely not.

The unspeakable horror of this sick idea caused Xanxus to grit his teeth.

The sound of the waves hitting the corals could not calm his furious mind. However, the sound of another man's footsteps on the sand could.

Squalo reappeared from the shadows of the shrubberies, carrying a heap of pear-shaped red berries. Individually, they were smaller than a finger bone and covered a single seed. Neither men knew that this fruit would be called 'riberry' and grow popular in years to come.

'Voi, try this. It's tart and tangy with a hint of cloves.' Squalo handed one of the fruits to Xanxus.

For the briefest of seconds, their fingers touched and Xanxus noticed Squalo swallow. The younger man could just be gulping down the fruit he had just masticated rather than having any deeper meaning—the older one was fully aware of that—all the same, he refused to let go of the long fingers that were sticky with the fruit juice. He seized them, squeezed them and knitted his own with them. The riberry fruit dropped, forgotten as its soft flesh hit the ground.

The deadly combination of the sweet scent of Squalo's mouth, the fruity fragrance of the riberry and the lingering aroma of the sea became a perfume too strong to resist. Xanxus had never tasted a  _man_ 's kiss, but, with Squalo, its aspect was luscious, and so he decided to take a chance. Squalo opened his mouth, ready to question Xanxus' action, but the explorer loomed over the shorter man and pressed their lips together.

For five seconds of absolute stillness, Squalo let him be. Afterwards, the silver-haired man pushed him away, with a flustered look and a series of bombarding questions. 'Voi, what did I do to deserve that? Why did you hide the sky and the crashing waves a moment ago?'

Xanxus blinked. He almost opened his mouth to ask 'What the heck are you talking about?', but then realisation dawned on him. He grinned. He couldn't help it. If this wild beast enjoyed his kiss that much as not to be able to perceive the world around him…

'Scum!' Xanxus snarled to conceal the soaring happiness inside him, 'If your fuckwit brain can't even figure what it was, I'll show you again.'

With that, their lips crushed together once more. However, this time, instead of just freezing on the spot, Squalo opened his mouth wider. He imitated whatever Xanxus did, causing both men to struggle for the domination of the kiss.

When Xanxus' tongue darted into Squalo's mouth, however, the inexperienced youth shuddered. Of course, the older man was aware of the sudden sharp intake of breath that the untamed beast took, but he calmly resumed his kiss— _their_ kiss—until the silver head's eyelids covered their dilated pupils in an unspoken surrender.

'So, what is it called—the thing that we've just done?' Squalo panted at the parting of their lips.

'It's called a "kiss",' Xanxus answered as he rimmed the shell of Squalo's ear with his tongue. 'It's how humans greet each other in my place of origin,' he quickly added before the curious primitive could ask further.

Even as he commented, Squalo was licking his lips, savouring the taste of the kiss. 'Hmm, strange way of greeting.'

'It's perfectly normal,' insisted Xanxus, 'And from now on, I expect a proper greeting whenever we meet.'

Squalo took his sweet time to reply. At times such as this one, Xanxus felt how sluggish the roll of the waves on the shore could be. At last, he could not bear it. He had to ask Squalo if the younger man minded kissing him ever again— _and_  to convince him to, should he really not.

'You answer, scum?' demanded the raven.

The expression on Squalo's face was too subtle to read, but when the wild man spoke, the Vongolian aristocrat could not be obliged to obey any greater authority. 'I still don't get it. Show me again!'

Their third kiss was far more heated than the preceding two. It leapt to new heights, an unknown existence that neither of them had been aware of.

Unaware of his own deed, Xanxus' hand moved to hug Squalo on the back, and then down, down they went. If he could just squeeze those voluptuous mounds below Squalo's back …

'What the hell are you doing?'

Xanxus' eyes widened; why the bloody hell—indeed—was his hand stroking another  _man_ 's upper thigh!

Now Xanxus understood why he could endure to live months without wine and civilisation. Now he held the answer as to what made the dense jungle seem inviting. Now, and only now, did he realise that Squalo of the wild had inflicted him with an incurable disease called 'love'.

The dark-haired man quickly provided an emergency explanation. 'It's a bloody common gesture used among relatives, friends and allies—basically those who are not enemies to one another.'

'Oh, your herd sure has weird habits,' mumbled Squalo, but then he, too, caressed Xanxus' upper thigh.

Thus, from that moment on, there had never been a day when Xanxus and Squalo met without groping each other.

###

The next time Xanxus met Squalo, he showed him a sulky face. 'I've got a cut on my back. Lick it.'

Squalo bent to examine the wound and commented, 'You told me not to lick your back on the day we first met, even though your wounds were more severe back then. Why ask me to lick this goddamn graze now?'

'Just shut the fuck up and lick it!'

So Squalo did.

* * *

CHAPTER VII

Two more months passed, but although Squalo became more and more adept in speaking, Xanxus was still not proficient enough in climbing up or down the trees with even half of Squalo's speed.

That afternoon, following one of those routine tree-climbing practices, Xanxus felt multiple pricks on the ball of his left foot as he landed. He lifted his limb to inspect the cause and perceived a tiny yellowish-brown lizard with prominent spines and tail pointing upwards moving jerkily at a slow pace.

It did not actually hurt  _that_  much, but Xanxus could not repress a scowl when Squalo jeered at him, 'You stepped on a moloch? What luck!'

'You should look at your face—that expression is priceless! Don't worry, though; that thorny devil is only a harmless reptile,' assured Squalo, while still convulsed with laughter.

_Damn! That face again!_

The longer Xanxus spent his time in Squalo's company, the weirder the habits he developed. One of these habits was that his heart raced faster whenever he saw the jungle king's smile. Another involved an outrageous amount of pining for this man's presence almost every time they were not together. And yet another required a variety of creativity to invent excuses to touch the islander at every opportunity.

The present dilemma forced Xanxus to clench his jaw. Eager to change the subject, he testily asked, 'Anyway, how did you climb a tree that bloody fast, scum?'

'Well, it requires years of practice. At first, I was much clumsier than the other little yowies in the tribe, but now I'm the fastest and strongest in the tribe. The key is to become part of the nature.'

'How?' Xanxus looked at his own body. 'I've worn this shitty panther skin already.'

Squalo was having difficulty expressing his answer in a way that his companion's fashion-obsessed pea brain would understand.

Xanxus said again, 'Do I need more accessories?'

Looking at the scattered bird feathers from the ground, Squalo told Xanxus to wait. Shortly afterwards, he had collected some of the feathers, remarking jokingly while he attached them to Xanxus' hair. 'There. You've become part of the nature already.'

Xanxus took a few steps forward, drawing himself closer to the edge of a nearby water puddle. 'Drat it! This is ridiculous!' he spat at his own reflection on the water surface.

'Ho? I think they suit you. Fine, I'll take them off.' The wild man approached the aristocrat with extended arms, ready to pluck the feathers from the strands of dark hair.

The taller man shifted, emitting a low grunt, 'Leave them on.'

'Really, there's no need to force yourself to wear those feathers if you dislike them that much,' insisted his adversary, following the direction of his body.

Yet, Xanxus halted Squalo, gripping the latter by his forearms. As expected, the silver head struggled to break free, and, as always, the older man would not let him without putting up a fight, which resulting in their bodies being aligned so close together, while their faces was only a palm apart.

Xanxus' instinct told him to close the gap between them. He growled possessively and kissed Squalo hard, sucking the primitive man's breath away, his tongue forcefully plundering his partner's mouth. The scarred man felt the jungle king's hot breath of anger, followed by the younger man's ferocious tongue slithering down his mouth. The older man was aware that he should cease, that further action would only fling him deeper into the pit of which steep precipice he could not climb; still, he was unable to refrain from taking every second that he could steal.

When the kiss ended, Squalo leaned back in confusion and protested, 'Voi, I've already greeted you this fucking morning!'

'So what?  _I_  greet whomever  _I_  want as many times as  _I_  like.'

'You're weird. Your civilisation is weird. And now you've implanted a weird feeling inside me.'

Xanxus raised his brow. 'What sort of  _weird feeling_?'

'The one that makes me think I'm falling from a cliff into a ravine with lots of sharp rocks with nothing to hold onto. And when those rocks almost split my skull, you came swinging on a vine and grabbed my hand to return me to safety.'

This was enough to render Xanxus speechless, except that Squalo wouldn't stop there.

'For goodness' sake, stop fucking staring at me! It's your eyes that make me feel I fall from such a drastic height anyway!' Then, the long-haired man looked away. 'And … and when your lips touch mine, I feel safe … well, sort of.'

With a minimum effort, Xanxus tilted Squalo's chin so that he found the other man's face again, delighting in the tints that dyed those beautiful cheeks crimson. 'Do you know why you're stammering?'

He did not let the younger man answer. It was only after he had finished kissing him once more did he say, 'You're falling, all right, but not into a ravine. You're falling in  _love_. With me.'

'Love?  _You_?' Squalo's eyes widened. 'Ugh! Your brain is shittier than your taste in fashion.'

Squalo pushed Xanxus' shoulder and walked past him. The mishmash look of horror and disgust still had not left his eyes.

Without further warning, Xanxus aimed a punch at Squalo's upper back. The wild beast's ears, however, had been trained to anticipate hostile movements from a prospective enemy. He turned and grabbed the older man's fist, rolling him in the air, and flung him onto the sandy ground.

The silver head placed his foot on the raven's chest next with a full intent to trample him, but Xanxus caught it. A mighty yank was all he needed to bring Squalo to the ground, lying next to him. Then, grabbing the shorter man by both wrists, he pinned him down.

'You love me; admit it!' yelled Xanxus.

But Squalo replied even louder, 'There is not a chance in hell I'll love someone like you!'

'Then you know what love is?'

'Of course, you moronic scatterfool! How many years do you think I've lived?! Love is the sappy stuff that drives the animals to stay together even after they finish mating. It involves lots of troublesome things, including raising the younglings; in fact, sensible creatures would rather not opt for this, since it's far more practical to just leave after the need is satisfied. Female spiders and praying mantises even eat their males after mating… Heck, love happens between males and females—not between those with the same sex!'

Xanxus opened his mouth again and for a split second, Squalo thought the taller man was going to retaliate, but instead, the dark-eyed man rose to his feet and walked away.

* * *

CHAPTER VIII

Squalo did not see Xanxus the next day. Fine. He did not have any urgent need to meet the explorer anyway.

Nor the day after that. Never mind. Surely the king of the jungle could survive without Xanxus for a day or two. Thus, he let it be.

Day three—no grumpy foul-mouthed antic black-haired man. Well, perhaps tomorrow.

Day four—Squalo deliberately passed the places that Xanxus normally visited, even though this meant a longer homewards route for him. Nada. Not a sign of Xanxus' presence.

Nevertheless, after five consecutive days without seeing so much as a glimpse of the grouchy man, he couldn't help thinking that this was no coincidence.

The island was not large enough to make them miss each other at every meal, to begin with. Xanxus was no weakling either; he could not have died fighting a tiger or two. It was f-a-r more likely that he purposely avoided Squalo; he even had that strange-looking expression when he left—the sort of face that one made when contorted with the pain from constipation.

Hence, Squalo searched and searched and searched and kept searching until he found his prey. There wasn't much to do in an uncivilised isle. When the man of the wild found the explorer, he was doodling on the ground with a twig under the shelter of a tree. No wonder Xanxus chose this place! It was a rough, dark-skirted wilderness where the many tall beefwood trees around him filtered the ground from excessive penetration of sunlight.

Crappy though the drawing was, Squalo recognised the long hair, slightly slanting eyes, high cheekbones, prominent nose, thin lips and pointy chin; they were all similar to his own.

Nonetheless, as Squalo stepped closer, Xanxus walked away.

'Voi, what's the idea?! You drew my face on the ground and storm off as soon as I come without letting me greet you first. What's this attitude?'

'You don't need to greet me anymore. Not now. Not ever.' Xanxus stayed true to his course despite the pursuing wild beast at his heel.

'Why?'

The taller man spurred his feet even faster, keeping a stiff upper lip.

Squalo grabbed one of the vines dangling from a nearby tree. With just a single swing, he hung upside down like a bat right in front of Xanxus. He had tied his ankle down in a knot with the vine to secure his grip. His long hair spilled from his upturned head, cascading in mid-air like the hanging branches of a banyan tree. His face was at level with Xanxus'.

Just one leap—one leap was all it took to snatch a kiss from the surprised explorer. A millennium later, there'd be a name for this kind of kiss—the 'Spiderman Kiss', people would call it, after some strange man with an unhealthy fascination with arachnids—but of course, for now, this was none of Xanxus' concern. The look of shock in Xanxus' eyes looked very much like the one Squalo displayed at their first kiss. But then, the older man withdrew as quickly as he could.

'What the ruddy hell is the matter with you? Why have you shunned me all these times?'

His dark eyes narrowing dangerously, Xanxus warned, 'Go away!'

Nonetheless, the wild beast was never an obedient blighter. He quickly untangled the vine from his ankle and landed right in front of the vexed man, no less gracefully and deadly than a puma before its prey.

'I refuse to leave you. What are you going to do? Do you want a piece of me, dude?' challenged Squalo.

Xanxus leapt at once. It was Squalo he wanted, all right, but not  _just_  a piece.

Assuming that the taller man was going to engage him into another wrestling duel, Squalo strengthened his footing and opened his arms, ready to push his opponent's rushing body. The raven, however, did not come to contend him. Instead, his mouth claimed Squalo's in a rough, mind-blowing kiss.

Squaloremembered none of his effort to argue, his mind blanking completely until the other man withdrew with a gentle sweep of tongue on his lower lip.

With a violent push, Squalo tore himself from his the kisser. 'Voi, what's that all about? Why's today greeting different from the usual?'

Xanxus punched the tree next to him. The trunk shook so tremulously that several of its leaves fell. 'If you don't stay away from me, I'll do  _more_  than just a kiss.'

Out of ignorance, Squalo cheerfully replied, 'All the more reason to stay then. I like kissing you.'

'YOU DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND!' Xanxus bellowed aggressively.

'WHY ARE WE SHOUTING?' Squalo shouted in reply, his voice even louder than that of Xanxus and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

Another frustrated holler gushed forth from Xanxus' mouth. Afterwards, he spoke in a calmer tone, but deeper and far more sinister, 'What will you do if I mate with you?'

Squalo laughed heartily. 'Don't be ridiculous; it's not mating season this time of the year and mating can only happen between males and females anyway.'

'I'll show you how, scum.' This time a big grin graced Xanxus' face. At times like this, he would sooner have expected a cassowary flying over the mountains than restraining himself.

The sky peered down at the two humans, but refused to offer its care when a jumble of noises came out from Squalo's mouth—from 'Voi, that tickles!' to 'AAARGH!' No resident of the jungle could be at peace during the following hour, for shriek after shriek came from their king.

When exhaustion had claimed the two beasts in heat, they lay side by side on the ground with their chests rising and falling with their breaths. Squalo's hair was spread on the grass like an unfolded fan, its silver strands shimmering in afternoon sunlight.

'What the hell did you do to me anyway?' He looked at the towering trees instead of his partner while asking the question. 'It fucking hurt.'

Xanxus took his time to respond, closing his eyes first, while replaying the shameless things he had never allowed himself to try before he met Superbia Squalo—the sinful pleasure of taking another man. Then, without bothering to conceal his smugness, the raven-haired explorer asked back, 'Is pain the only thing you felt back then?'

'No,' Squalo replied truthfully, 'There was something weird and something nice too.'

Xanxus smirked again; the silver head's honesty had never failed to amuse him.

'Good. That means we can do it again.' Xanxus reached for the indocile beauty beside him, but Squalo rolled to the side, and then got up. 'No fucking way!'

Before Squalo could leave, Xanxus hit the younger man's calf with a sweeping kick until the islander fell atop his body.

'VOI, I SAID "NO", YOU DUMBSHIT!'

'Shut up! Just stay with me.'

The raven stroke his mate's long hair and Squalo fell silent at once. When Xanxus' fingers found Squalo's jaw line, neck and shoulder blades, the tamed beast even purred. Then without being asked, he slept there, curling to the taller man's body.

Something within Xanxus reminded him to push the other man away. He was not a man easily swayed towards affectionate gestures—which meant there was no way he enjoyed cuddling after sex. In fact, he had always chased his partner away as soon as the sex ended. This was a routine he did unapologetically and so it was a mutual understanding that whoever girl Xanxus picked as his bed mate was no more than a one night stand. (Hey, that was what the jewels in his family vault for.) But today, not only he did it with a man, but was also so clingy to his mate.

_Not as if there was any other choice here!_  Xanxus inhaled the earth-kissed scent of Squalo's hair and closed his eyes to sleep. Nah, this wasn't love. Not at all. Nada.

* * *

CHAPTER IX

While waking up the next morning, Xanxus found himself quite alone.

'Damn that Squalo! Leaving me in the middle of the night like that!' He kicked a nearby small rock and it bumped onto a tree trunk before landing between the knotty roots and sending the poor little ants below scurrying for their lives.

_Honeymoon? That's it!_

With the certainty that Squalo's romantic nature would be awakened once they experienced honeymoon, Xanxus scoured the island. He searched high and low for the possibility of the part of the island that the lord of the jungle had not discovered yet.

###

The following week, Xanxus took Squalo to the surprise place. Through the thickness of the jungle they went, until they arrived at a cliff top.

A vista of the splendid panorama opened before their eyes. After searching for days, Xanxus had found an untrodden sanctuary from the day-to-day disturbance of the noisy world in the tranquillity of the deep lagoon, with its rocky walls of towering cliff hung with the white clouds. The chinks and crannies of the steep defiles were nestled with wild anemones nestling in their depths. An insulated patch of blue floated below, hosting a beautiful arrangement of rocks cut about by vertical gorges. Where the bank dipped into the water was so clean— not one token of the usual river debris. Daylight illuminated the lagoon, providing it with the shades of turquoise and aquamarine where crystal-clear water was as still as a huge mirror.

Xanxus broke off two branches of a tree and handed one to Squalo. Without further explanation, he rolled his hips forward to create a flat back posture and flung himself from the precipice.

'A diving challenge?' replied Squalo with a smirk.

A moment later, the splash of his body against the water followed Xanxus' example.

As Squalo emerged from the depths of the lagoon, with water sprinkling from his long, beautiful silver hair, Xanxus momentarily forgot that merfolks were supposed to live in salt water. He caught the islander and dragged him underwater, where he claimed the possession of the gorgeous siren's lips.

The surface of the water rippled above them, but in this deep blue, nothing occupied the jungle king's mind except the jolt that run through him the moment Xanxus' mouth touched his own. While the kiss itself was expected, the sensation was not. Xanxus' lips moved against his own demanding a response that Squalo was more than eager to give back.

Kissing Xanxus back, Squalo pried the older man's mouth open with his own and searched his partner's lips with his tongue. Instinctively his arms rose around the dark-haired man and drew his partner towards him as their kiss deepened—lips against lips, tongues teasing each other, bodies pressed together. As Xanxus' hands slid down Squalo's side to his hip, continuing to roam every bit of the curve they could savour, the younger man shivered, not of cold, but of passion. The tender gesture was uncharacteristic of Xanxus' usual arrogant, almost cruel tendency.

Whilst Squalo wrapped his legs around Xanxus, the taller man's hands roamed down his lover's back, spending just enough time on the jungle king's waist and sides before cupping the fleshy buttocks. He loved how full and firm they were. His hands worked it over, squeezing and releasing and he had no doubt that if they had not been underwater, the silver head would have moaned into his mouth. The mere thought about this overwhelmed him with the need to spend himself between Squalo's thighs.

'Have you been here before?' asked the raven-haired man after the both of them had resurfaced and caught their breath.

'Just once. This area looks nice, but not plentiful for hunting.'

'Follow me,' enjoined Xanxus. He swam closer to one cliff wall, took a deep breath and dove underwater.

The edges of the lagoon were shallow enough to reveal small white pebbles; but the part Xanxus chose was so deep that they could not make out its floor. In its stead, they saw underwater cavern. In the lack of sunlight, the reef-like rocks which were the base of the cliff seemed blacker than their upper portion. Holes and reliefs were etched across their ancient surface, chiselled by Nature itself.

There was a moment of absolute darkness under the rocks' canopy, during which Squalo became alert in case a poisonous water snake might swim his way. They swam with sticks made of branches from earlier held ahead of them, for their eyes saw nothing but duskiness, and in this way they managed to avoid bumps.

Afterwards, a vault of stalactites loomed above the two men as they resurfaced on a cove pool. They were inside a cliff that stretched about one tenth of a furlong in width. The rays of the sun perforated through the small holes on the ceiling of the grotto, bathing the interior with its glorious light. At one corner of the bed of rocks, there lay a heap of meat and fruits.

'Blimey!' commented Squalo, his eyes admiring his surroundings with undisguised wonder. 'You even gathered ample food beforehand. Why? We can eat these fish,' he pointed at a school of tiny white fish that passed them by.

Xanxus replied, 'Those blind gudgeons taste awful.'

'How do you know that?' Squalo's face didn't look convinced in the slightest.

'I tasted them the day before yesterday, buffoon!'

'Voi, you sure your shitty cooking isn't responsible for their horrendous taste?'

With a deadly glare, Xanxus retorted, 'If you have any problem eating the food I gathered, starve on your own!'

'I never said anything about problems. Still, aren't those ingredients way too plenty for our stomachs?'

'I gather enough for our three-day meals,' answered Xanxus, as he shifted closer to Squalo and embraced him from behind, 'Because I have no desire for either of us to leave in the meantime.'

'Voi, if I do not return to the den at night, my parents will rouse enough commotion to wake the dead.'

'Damned if I care. You're  _not_  allowed to leave this place until I give you the permission.'

Squalo gritted his teeth. 'Can you prevent me from leaving?'

With that, their usual brawl commenced and continued by intense wrestling on the rocky bed until the sky was vested in the cinnabar robe of sunset. Squalo once again declared he was leaving, Xanxus held his forearm with a grip of iron. 'You are to spend a honeymoon with me!'

'What is a "honeymoon"?'

Because defining 'marriage' would be too much of a hassle, Xanxus opted for the simplest explanation he could think of: 'A period of more mating activities that couples undergo after their first mating.'

'Oh, why did you not say so? Even my parents will not mind my absence if it were for that reason.'

And with that, the problem was solved, only to turn to another problem.

They passed the time with more wrestling, as each man wanted to top the other. 'What the heck! It's unfair that I'm the one who always endures the pain!' protested Squalo. 'Your body is essentially the same as mine. Let me do you!'

And so, in fourteen out of their thirty-five rounds of intimacy in total during three days, the wild man had managed to triumph over the explorer. The cave walls re-echoed their gasps and grunts a score of times, scaring away any bird who passed above the cliff with various cries that ranged from 'Eek!' to 'What's that flounder for?'

On the fourth day, as the fog of lust had finally cleared off from their brains, they woke up with a distinct soreness in their arses. They swam with considerable back pain and tottered for the remainder of their homecomings from the shore. That day, they learned why honeymoons should occur only once in a lifetime.

* * *

CHAPTER X

'I want to introduce you to my tribe.' The words left Squalo's mouth out of the blue right after he picked his nose and discarded his dried nasal fungus on the vetch near his feet.

It happened one very late afternoon, three weeks later, just before sunset, and Xanxus could have sworn that the sky was calm just a moment ago, but he felt as though it had started to storm and thunder the moment those words reached his ears.

His stomach clenching, Xanxus gnarled, 'What for?'

'Just so you know those who are important to me and so that my family can get to know you. You and papa will be fond of each other. You're just like him.'

'Even if the sky tumbles down, there's no way I'd call you my son,' uttered Xanxus in disgust. How could Squalo regard him as a father-like figure after all those mating sessions! All those sore arses, and—never mind, actually.

Xanxus continued to fume until Squalo explained that what he meant was both his father and Xanxus could not convey emotion smoothly, even though they loved their kith and kin dearly.

_Love?_

_No fucking way!_

Well, surely Xanxus missed human's companionship and had physical needs for sex, but to consider himself in love with Squalo was overrated. Definitely. Unmistakably.

Then, a completely different thought seized his mind, causing a lump to appear in Xanxus' throat and darken his face. 'Won't your father kill strangers?'

'What stranger? I see only my mate before me.'

Xanxus' eyes narrowed. Squalo said the words lightly, if not even beaming with pride. The fact that he was unashamed to have Xanxus as a sex partner lightened the grouch's mood more than anything. How many times had they slept together during the last few weeks?

The main reason for Xanxus to remain a bachelor up to this point was that he loathed-family ties. In Vongola Land, one could not simply marry without getting involved in the whole family affair of the spouse—if, for instance, a husband caught a common cold, the wife's entire relatives, down to her cousin's distant cousin's grandnephew's pet iguana, would hear the news. Hence, many prospective in-laws targeted wealthy partners for their sons and daughters in hope that they could live in style themselves. Even though there was no reason for Squalo's family to be after Xanxus' wealth, his abomination for the holy-troublesome-matrimony had rooted too deep.

In response to Squalo's demand, Xanxus growled, 'Hell no!'

'Get ready, same place same time tomorrow!' Squalo began to swing from tree to tree with a wide grin on his face. Just before he completely vanished from sight, the last trail of his voice echoed in the lush jungle, 'And make yourself presentable!'

Punching the tree next to him and subsequently waving his sore hand about, Xanxus cursed, 'OUCH! Fuck that sly vixen! Does he think he can just run off on his own without listening to  _my_  objection?!'

Well, actually Squalo had just proven that he could.

_Idiot! What are you getting worked up for? You didn't even get nervous when you met the parents of any girl you dated. These bush apes aren't even Squalo's real family._ Xanxus took a deep breath and assured himself.  _That's right. There's nothing to worry about. They're just bush apes._

What Xanxus had assumed as 'just bush apes' turned out to be 'many,  _many_  bush apes'. The sky was enshrouded with dark clouds when Xanxus arrived at the primates' lair. Squalo had brought him to the deeper part of the jungle, where the leaves made a green canopy high above them, and the tree trunks were as high as lighthouses. The glaring sun loomed over the towering battalion of matted trees.

_Shit!_

At the sight of the stranger, the primates, each being two or three feet taller than Xanxus was, attempted to scare him off by taking advantage in their number. Some bared their teeth, while others bared … much redder, smellier anatomy. A large male bush ape beat his chest menacingly, challenging Xanxus, but the raven-haired visitor, who had the spirit of a predator, only stared at the creature with a quirked eyebrow. Undaunted, the unwelcomed guest stepped into the bush apes' midst; the denizens, on the contrary, crawfished towards the trees.

There was a silent pause, then a bush ape appeared—larger and scarier than any creature Xanxus had ever encountered. All the other bush apes cowered in both fear and respect at the sight of him. This could only be the chief of their tribe, Apari, one who had guarded his throne for long decades with absolute dictatorship. Strength lay in his furry chest and authority sat upon his muscular arms.

The chief proceeded with a halting step, leaning heavily upon his knuckles. Not until he noticed his foster son's companion, did his expression grow grimmer. The bush ape had already been worn with age, but the downward folds of his face became more obvious with each step Xanxus took. His gaze of unmasked aggression was clearly searching for an enemy—a mix of mistrustfulness and menace.

Squalo made some ' _ooh-ooh-ooh_ ' sounds in a diversity of length and pitches. At the end of his explanation, Apari's facial features became, if possible, more sullen. Some of the bush apes looked horrified, while others started to come down from the trees to take a closer look at Xanxus. However, one particular female at the highest tree branch seemed more broken-hearted than the rest.

Xanxus recognised that look. It was the sort of look of a disapproving mother when she discovered that her daughter had slept with slept with a specimen such as Xanxus—only worse … probably because she sensed there was nothing feminine about Squalo's partner. This bush ape had to be Kanyini.

'What the heck did you tell them?' asked Xanxus, albeit he could guess the answer.

'That you are my mate.'

'Tsk! They don't seem to be keen about it.'

'Oh, they always do so whenever a yowie brings a mate from outside the tribe. But don't worry; there's one way to make them accept us.' With that, Squalo bent and pushed Xanxus onto the ground. He quickly grabbed the taller man by both ankles, spreading his legs as wide as they could go.

Xanxus' eyes widened; Squalo couldn't be thinking of … oh, fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

'Get the fuck off me, you nutter!' Xanxus tried to land his fist on Squalo's face, but the ape-man dodged it.

Squalo endeavoured to calm the struggling Xanxus—which was by no means an easy task, since the moment he got hold of one limb, the older man's other limb would put up a resistance. 'C'mon, Xanxus, what's so bad about mating here, in front of my tribe?'

Cursing the primitive's reasoning, lack of modesty, utterly abhorrent sense of timing, and God-knew-what-else, the older man yelled, 'Over my dead body!'

* * *

CHAPTER XI

In the midst of their strife, a sound pierced the still air. It was a shrill cry, a stranger to the bush apes' ears, but it sounded like home to Xanxus. It was the sound of a gunshot. There was a confused din of the panicked animals—the flapping wings of birds, the galloping hoofs of deer, the hastened scurry of bettongs and the thudding stampede of kangaroos—which lasted a good while, and seemed to pass quite through the breadth of the forest. Thanks to this, all attention was withdrawn from Xanxus.

Letting go of his grips, Squalo rose to his feet. He made another ' _ooh-ooh_ ' sound—Xanxus was simultaneously surprised and disturbed that he knew it probably meant 'I'll go and check'—and disappeared behind the trees.

Finding it awkward to be surrounded by the bush apes, Xanxus pursued Squalo.

Several running and tree swinging moments later, Squalo witnessed the oddest body covering he had ever seen—ones that Xanxus referred as 'clothes' and had worn himself when he had first arrived at the island.

The wearers were two men in their twenties, a teenage boy and a child. The tallest of them had spiky hair like the needles of a porcupine. Slung over his shoulders was a dead emu—well, that certainly explained the sound of the gunshot from earlier. The one who walked next to him had the bristle of a Little Tern, but green in colour (as opposed to the bird's black bristle). The teenager had the hair of golden leaves when they glinted against the midday sun, encircled by a lopsided sparkly object. A boy—Squalo could not recognise him at first, due to his strange draping that made him look like an oversized frog—followed this teenage boy closely.

The bristle-haired man with flamboyant garment spoke, 'This place sure is wild; the grass around here could even rival Levi's armpit hair in sheer audacity.'

The tallest man threw him a dirty look, which he completely ignored, and instead, he continued with, 'I don't see how Lord Xanxus could survive months in a place without civilisation like this. There's not even any tequila here! Let's look for him in another island, shall we?'

'But haven't we just arrived?' asked the boy in the frog costume.

To this, the teenager poked him with a knife. 'No complaining, runt.'

'Ow, that hurts, Bel-sempai.'

For an exclamation of pain, the boy's tone sounded too flat, lazy even. 'Hey, what's wrong with humans from your origin?' Squalo, who scouted them from behind a tree, enquired Xanxus. The explorer had been getting better and better in catching up with the islander's speed; today, he was only a few steps behind.

Instead of answering Squalo's question, Xanxus announced his presence to the search party.

'What took you so long to find me, scums?'

'Boss! You're alive!'

Tears of joy streamed down the two tall men's cheeks. The youngest one did not cry, but grinned widely, while the child remained expressionless.

'Boss, you look sexy in that feathered hairdo and panther-skin loincloth!' The green-haired man leapt at Xanxus with open arms, which the scarred man evaded.

The epicene pouted, 'Aww, my lord, wherefore do you have to be soooo cold? You could at least let me give you a big, warm hug.'

As Xanxus kept fending off the green-haired man from the dogged attempts of hugging him, Squalo revealed himself from behind the tree. 'Hullo, strangers! If you're Xanxus' friends, you're my friends too.'

'Hi, mm … sexy wild man. We are Xanxus' underlings known as "the Varia". Since you've taken a good care of our boss, me and my colleagues would like to thank—'

However, Squalo approached the nearest bystander, who happened to be a child in a frog hood, and grabbed him by the arm. When his mouth was a breath away from the boy, two knives flew past his head. They would have pierced his eyes had it not been for his quick reflex in dodging.

'Voi, what's that fo—'

Before Squalo completed his question, Xanxus snarled, 'WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!'

'I'm greeting him. Didn't you say this was how people greet one another?' The islander replied defensively.

'Why the froggy? Of all of us here, why on earth did you choose to kiss Fran?' This time, the question did not come from Xanxus', but from the blond young man. Rather than volcanic like Xanxus' rage, his timbre contained an arctic fury. Four more knives nestled in his hand, one between each finger.

'I was going to kiss you all, but he was the closest from where I stood. Would you prefer I start with you?' replied Squalo, still utterly clueless as to the situation.

Xanxus suddenly ran up to Squalo and yanked his long silvery hair. 'Listen, scum! Under no circumstances are you allowed to kiss anyone but me!'

An arched brow accompanied Squalo's next question. 'Why?'

At this, all eyes were focused on them, and Xanxus threw his men a murderous look until they all looked away, though not without suppressing a grin on their lips.

'Because  _I_  say so. If you dare kiss anyone—anyone at all—I will  _never_  touch you again!' Xanxus spoke with an air of finality. Although Squalo was clueless what was there to be angry about, he refused to be treated as such without a just cause.

'You think, if you don't touch me, I will not pursue you, eh, yam-brained Xanxus?!' He summersaulted and, using his hands as propellants, he kicked the taller man with both feet, sending the latter to the ground.

Now the mouths of Xanxus' subordinates were positively ajar.

Giving Xanxus no chance to get up, Squalo rode the fallen man. 'You belong to me! Your body belongs to me! Your mind belongs to me! Your action belongs to me! There is no part of you that does not belong to me, do you hear?'

'You're a hundred years too early to claim me, scum!' With sheer force, Xanxus rolled the islander over, but his grin was a plain sight to see. He tried to secure Squalo underneath him, but the wild man's struggle disallowed such feat to happen easily. Again and again, they rolled on the forest floor. One moment, Xanxus was on top. Seconds later, Squalo pinned him to the ground.

'I think it's best if we give the two lovebirds some alone time,' remarked Xanxus' subordinate with the green hair, 'Meanwhile, we'd better gather some food.'

At his suggestion, the hooded child and the flaxen-haired man began to step away. The tallest man of all, however, remained.

'Levi sweetheart, what's wrong?'

'Boss … I never knew he … well, I mean … he always courted women before.'

'Come now, people change. Time and circumstances do have the power to turn the most notorious womanizer in town into a homosexual practiser. Let's not bother those beasts in heat, Levi.' The man ended his explanation with a most girlish giggle, and the so-called Levi had no choice but to follow.

'Ah, springtime is coming.' The green-haired man hummed merrily as he walked.

'It's mid-July. What are you blabbering about?'

'Tut-tut, Bel. It's springtime of youth that is coming. Look at boss and look at  _you_!'

'Me?'

'Precisely, Bel honey. You threw your knives at boss' sweetheart when he made an attempt to kiss Fran, no? Am I not justified to conclude that you acted out of jealousy?'

'Don't be ridiculous! A prince's property is not for share.'

A tiny twitch—too diminutive to be noticed—appeared at the corner of the hooded boy's mouth. One of these days, he'd bear the sweet fruit of confession in the golden haired youth

Thus, the Varia strolled on.

* * *

CHAPTER XII

Squalo, Xanxus and the four newcomers had a dugong feast that night. It was not until after their hunger was sated and the smoke from their campfire retreated into the night that they introduced themselves properly.

'I am Lussuria. Call me Luss, dear.' The green-haired man extended his hand.

Squalo examined the man's hand extensively, but was only left baffled.

'Ah, when one holds out one's hand like this, the speaking adversary—in this case, you—are expected to clasp it. This gesture is called a "handshake" and it is commonly practised among those who wish to introduce themselves or to congratulate others.'

'Oh.' Squalo took Lussuria's hand, imitating the handshake. Then, as he scrutinised the epicene's countenance, he commented, 'You have strange eyes.'

'These? Ooh, yes.' The epicene grinned. 'They are detachable, too.'

'As if I could believe you,' snorted Squalo, 'No creature can take off—'

The Mohawk promptly interrupted him by lifting his sunglasses, batting his eyelashes and grinning triumphantly.

'Voi, you've got normal eyes underneath those fake ones, you cheater!'

The epicene let out a small titter before explaining that those 'fake eyes' were called sunglasses and finished his explanation with, 'You see, dearie, we Vongolians are the best at everything.'

Leviathan and Belphegor were not as amiable. One was jealous for what Squalo had done to Xanxus; the other, to Fran. Each man clasped Squalo's hand hard, but being accustomed to wild beast fights, the primitive merely nodded and told them each, 'You have a firm grip. You will make a good hunter.'

Fran himself did not take Squalo's earlier kiss attempt personally, but deliberately prolonged his handshake with Squalo when he noticed Bel's fixation with their skin contacting.

When Xanxus returned to the Varia's ship to get extra whiskey, Squalo tagged along. The  _gallivat_  was the most peculiar structure Squalo had ever seen. To him, it looked like a tall bulk of wooden planks with two tree trunks on its top.

'Why are those trees decked with fluttering white clothes instead of leaves?'

'Welcome to the civilized world, sweetie; what you see are masts, not trees,' said Luss, 'And those garments are called "sails".'

The lord of the jungle was excited to see map and compass, especially when Bel explained that the isle they were currently harboured was no more than a tiny dot compared to Europe, where the Vongola land laid. Curiosity also bade him to dip his fingers in an ink bottle, only to leave black fingerprints to every single object he touched afterwards, much to Luss' hysteria. Ignorance caused him to drop a bottle without even worrying about the sharp glass fragments. He would have broken the beds too, had Levi not warned him of the beds threatening to eat him if he jumped on them too much. None of those commotions, however, was as catastrophic as the incident of nearly setting the cabin on fire by a wick lamp (had Fran not been there, the fire might have consumed the whole gallivat).

'Hey, teach me to read,' Squalo asked upon seeing the scattered books on a desk.

'I will, but only  _if_  you tidy up everything that you've touched tonight.'

'Deal.'

When time had come for Squalo to bid them good night, he wound his arm around Xanxus' waist and pulled the older man close. Ignoring the others' presence, the islander claimed the raven-haired man fully on the mouth.

Xanxus' subordinate stared open-mouthed. Although this was just a standard 'goodbye greeting'—according to Squalo, thanks to the courtesy of Xanxus' brainwashing—all they could see was a bloke engulfing their boss with a searing kiss.

'I think I've got the gist why boss didn't want to go home so soon,' remarked Fran in his usual flat tone. His comment earned him a deadly glare from Xanxus, though not a single denial.

###

That night, Squalo had a strange dream about Xanxus twirling and pirouetting on a huge crocodile's back, while singing the Alphabet Song. Three of the Varia members were playing the string instrument family: Levi on the cello, Luss on the viola, and Bel, the violin. Squalo was asking where Fran was when he heard the child correcting Xanxus indifferently. Instead of wearing his frog hood, he wore a gecko one, and he was hanging upside down from an arched bridge of books that was floating among the clouds in the sky.

Squalo revisited the ship about an hour after sunrise the following morning, waking everyone up with his sonorous yell of 'VOOOIIII!'

Levi stopped snoring at once. He craned his neck to see if Squalo had caused another fire or other crisis. When nothing happened, he pulled his blanket again and went back to sleep.

Luss lifted the cucumber slices covering his eyelids and stared at Squalo for a moment. 'Good morning, Squalo dear. Would you please refrain from interrupting my beauty sleep?' he requested, before promptly returning to sleep, on his side and covering his upturned ear with a pillow.

Bel threw three knives with his eyes closed. They landed next to Squalo.

Only Fran, out of obligation, scrambled to his feet. Without stifling his yawn, the child hopped off the ship, took a dry twig on the sand and drew three straight lines in an almost triangular way, except that the one at the bottom was raised to intersect the other two about a quarter way up. Next to it, Fran drew an open curve that was concluded by a straight vertical line on its right. 'This is the letter "a" in uppercase and that's in lowercase. Follow my example and draw as many of them as you can.'

Thus, following Fran's instruction, Squalo began to scribble the letters on the shore. So eager was he that he did not stop until Fran told him so; by which time, he must have engraved more than a dozen each.

'You've done them correctly. Now we can proceed to letter "b".'

Their lesson was punctuated by the growl of Fran's stomach, to which Squalo caught and started to grill some unfortunate crabs and shellfish.

'You know,' the older man opened a conversation as they waited for the seafood to cook in the open fire, 'I had never met any human before Xanxus came to this isle, but I can tell that you don't behave like a child do. The little yowies in my tribe are reluctant to do anything than playing and they frequently make mistakes that need their mothers' corrections. But you … you're like an adult's mind trapped within a child's body. I used to think that you were merely following your big brother, but now I see that you got admitted in the Varia for your own skills.'

'Thank you. I'll take that as a compliment.' As always, Fran did not smile; in fact, neither elation nor annoyance was hinted within his tone.

After the alphabet lesson with Fran, it became Bel's turn to educate Squalo. There was more to it in a knife than a weapon. His adept fingers working wonders, Bel showed Squalo how to carve a tree bough into a wooden effigy. While Bel effortlessly produced a mink figurine, Squalo—who  _tried_  to do the same—came up with an oddly-shaped mushroom as a result.

'Shishishi, let's try an easier practice, shall we?'

That was how Squalo came to learn to cut paper into snowflake patterns.

Luss, whose favourite pastime was documenting every silly occurrence around him, showed the black-and-white pictures of the Vongola Land and its citizens. Much to Squalo's amazement, humans built lighthouses higher than trees; female humans had a richer diversity of draping than their male counterparts; and carriages made itineraries less fatigable than travelling afoot. Squalo, who was fascinated by the work of a camera—most especially how the lenses displayed people's figures upside-down—nagged Luss so persistently for explanations that the epicene had no choice but to permit Squalo a first-hand experience with his camera, as long as the islanded swore as long as the islander swore not to try and smash it open.

Even Levi had the charitable mind to teach Squalo. He gave him lessons about basic mathematics … though it remained a mystery to Squalo why, from time to time, Levi looked at him with the expression of a constipated man.

* * *

CHAPTER XIII

The following week, Squalo brought his new friends to meet his family. When they arrived at the apes' den, a young bush ape charged at Squalo without warning. He was no match for the man, however, and was defeated in a wrestle within seconds. With no further delay, the bush ape ran towards his mother.

'What was that all about?' asked Xanxus.

'Oh,' answered Squalo, 'That little fellow said, "Hey mum, remember you told me you'd give me fifteen bananas if I could defeat Squalo?" Then his mother nodded and answered, "Well duh," so he continued, "Well, the good news is: I can still save you the trouble of finding those bananas.".'

'Why would that bush ape's mother want him to defeat you?'

'Not every yowie approves that I should lead them in place of my father. In our tribe, a leader is chosen based on strength. Many mothers want their sons to triumph over me. None of those weaklings succeeds so far, though.'

The Varia members laid the fruits they had gathered on a large, podium-like rock at the centre of the clearing. They had brought these on Squalo's advice so that the bush apes would welcome them. The tips worked well in general; in fact, other than Apari and Kanyini's strange glances at the Varia, the other bush apes treated them as Squalo's harem.

During their stay, Xanxus almost never took his gaze off Squalo. Even if he did, his eyes soon found the silver head again and again. And none of the Varia failed to notice this.

As Squalo played with three little bush apes nearby, and Xanxus watched him, Luss took a deep breath and asked, 'Uh, boss, are we … going back to the Vongola Land? Or maybe resume the gold expedition?'

There was an unmistakable flicker in Xanxus' eyes before he could open his mouth to deliver the answer. Of course, he wanted to obtain more gold than his competitors and win the tournament to be the next king of the Vongolians. But then, the point of being a king—according to his standard—was to do as he pleased; hadn't he lived in this fashion even now?

'I…' he began. Then, there was a pause—an abrupt one, but still, very unlikely to befall someone like Xanxus. 'My vacation isn't fucking over yet. We'll set sail when I feel like it.'

Just like that, the Varia obeyed their boss.

Time flew. With each passing day, the Varia learnt the habit of, and even how to communicate with, the bush apes. Although the wild environment with lack of human refinery was harsh at some—well,  _many_ —points, they also enjoyed some aspects of this primitive life, such as picnicking every day for lunch.

One day, as they were having meal underneath an old eucalyptus tree in the forest glade, two little koalas came by. Seeing how bountiful the leaves on that tree, one of them said to his companions, 'Mark this spot so that we can come back here tomorrow.'

Thus, the other koala began urinating.

'Hey, what are you leaking on me for?'

'If I pee on the tree, the rain may wash it away. If I pee on you, you can cover yourself when it rains.'

'Hmm, that's quite true.' The koala scratched his head.

They picked enough leaves for the day and left.

'Can you believe that?' commented Luss when the two koalas were out of sight.

'I've never seen anything more ridiculous in my life,' agreed Bel.

'I wonder how the other koalas can stand his smell,' added Fran, still munching his roasted fish. 'But more than that, how Levi-sempai stays calm after being showered with pee.'

The other Varia members now turned to Levi, who was sitting right beneath the part of the tree where the two koalas had been. The tall man neither spoke nor moved.

'Incidentally,' added Fran, 'Your hair glisten like nose hair after a sneeze.'

But Levi maintained an utter silence, his gaze fixed to the ground. He held his portion of frill-necked lizard's soft-shelled eggs and spotted wobbegong—a carpet shark—barbecue for a long time without eating them. It could not have been plainer that his mind was somewhere else.

Voice laced with motherly concern, Luss asked, 'Levi sweetheart, why do you look so downhearted?'

'I disagree that boss should tie the knot with an uncouth brute from a jungle,' asserted Levi.

'As if your approval mattered to boss' decision. Shishishishi.'

The taller man clenched his fist. 'At least, I want boss to be happy spending his life by the side of someone worthy of his affection.'

The other three stared at him, sceptical that whatever Levi planned would not piss Xanxus off.

Levi spoke again, 'Dang, if I knew boss swung this way, I'd have confessed my feelings. I held back and pretended to be okay with boss dating girls because I couldn't provide boss with an heir … but neither can that barbaric bastard! Grrr, and to think that he's going to inherit those infinite acres of vineyards, countless livestock, splendid summer villas in addition to a luxurious mansion with all those treasure chests in its vault, not to mention how many servants he'd have to order around…'

'Aw, you poor thing! But Levi, there are as many men in the world as fish in the sea. One day, you'll find your true love and forget this bitter first love by and by. As for the fortune, you should just find yourself a wealthy lover to indulge any desire you m—'

Whatever the epicene was going to say next was overwhelmed by far louder voices from behind the bush.

'Voi, don't just jostle it in, you gormless git!'

'I'll teach you to whom your body truly belongs, scum!'

'AAH!'

At the sound of this, the wobbegong bone in Levi's hand broke into smithereens. Looking hurt, the tall man rose from his seat and disappeared into the shadows of the trees in the opposite direction.

Luss considered to pursue Levi and comfort him, but was distracted by a passing butterfly. Instead, he hopped here and there, developing an interest in chasing the multi-coloured insect, watching it flutter about closely, and causing Fran to ask, 'How old are you?'

Wagging his index finger, the epicene replied, sounding offended, 'Mind your manner, young man! Never ask a lady her age.'

Bel could only retort, 'Since when have you become a "lady"?'

'Why, since the day I was born, of course.' Luss stood in with one hand on his hip and one knee slightly bent, highlighting what he hoped to be the curvature of his body. 'Can't you see my super gorgeous form?'

Out of what little pity and what great shame he felt, Bel decided not to answer. He changed his mind immediately, however, when Luss' puckered lips zealously pursued him for a kiss. The teenage boy uttered under his breath, 'I'd sooner acknowledge the artistry in a brush-tailed phascogale's dung than the ladyhood in you.'

* * *

CHAPTER XIV

Bel's jealousy about Fran was reignited the moment he saw the child holding Squalo's hand. As per their daily routine, Fran was teaching Squalo more alphabets. Presently, it was the proper strokes for ' _uma_ ' or 'horse'—a rather complex kanji character. The king of the jungle had been scribbling on the sand for a while, but not with satisfactory result, and hence came the help. Bel, who had not been unaware with the situation, was displeased nevertheless.

Determined to show Fran who was better between Squalo and him, the golden-haired youth declared, 'Squalo, I challenge you to a hunting contest. Of course, I am not talking about some defenceless animals like rabbits, but the ones who bite fiercely whilst being threatened by weapons.'

'Sounds agreeable to me,' responded the islander, hardly even paying attention to Bel's fervour.

Squalo remained on the shore, in attempt to correct his kanji writing once more, while Bel walked away. Only a few steps later, the golden-haired boy fell into a large hole covered by dead leaves.

'Oh, I forgot to warn you that there have been many holes like that around here lately. I guess the entire colony of moles have newly moved in,' said Squalo, who was still scribbling the fourth stoke of the kanji character on the sand.

Levi scrambled to his feet and fetched a rope in his comrade's aid. Even as Bel climbed his way to the ground surface, he threw the taller man a dirty look. 'Do you seriously think your holes can stop that jungle chap for good?'

The dark-haired man hastily averted his eyes and whistled a happy tune, though it sounded rather forced.

_It's a good thing Levi has a brain with the size of a pea_ , Bel told himself inwardly as he went straight to the grassland region of the isle.  _Who knows what boss would do if he finds Squalo dead and gone? There's no way nine lives are going to be enough for Levi._

Squalo was scribbling the correct kanji character for the third time when Fran asked why he was not going. He answered, 'Since I have grown up in this island, I should give Bel a handicap by departing fifteen minutes later than he did.'

Soon enough, both hunters had located their respective targets. Bel's attention was focused on a wolf-like wild dog. The dingo's short, reddish brown fur shone brilliantly in the sun, not in the slightest foreboding her imminent mortal danger.

It was the shaft of the knife that had caught the dingo in the bowel, the blade sinking underneath her flesh. Blood dripped from the beast's wound into a scarlet pool of blood near her feet. The eyes of the dingo shone with an amazing lustre, struggling in the face of death; her two cubs were watching from behind the tall tussock grasses in silence. As she expired, she taught her offspring their last lesson: no one—not even their mighty mother—could elude from survival of the fittest.

Squalo, on the other hand, headed to the rock outcrop by the seashore, since he liked hunting venomous creatures better. For this purpose, he observed the fight between a perentie and a coastal taipan—whichever emerged victorious would perish in his hands. Both reptiles were similar in length, which was roughly exceeding Squalo's height by a palm's breadth. The goanna had a flattened head, long neck and a stout, robust body ending in a long, tapering tail. Its scales were sand-coloured and overlaid with a reticulated pattern of dark lines and flecks. The snake, in contrast, sported a slender brown body, a paler underside with orange flecks, and a hazel head.

The coastal taipan snake tried to escape first. Speed, however, was an attribute that never belonged to a limbless creature, especially with a perentie as a contender. Thus, he had no choice but to face the lizard head on. While the snake slithered and coiled, attempting to strangle his opponent with its deadly body, the goanna swatted the snake with the powerful lash of his tail. Baring his long fangs, the snake threatened the goanna.

Luck was not on the snake's side; his opponent's years of superiority in hunting experience had given him the wisdom of ophidian nature. The goanna was aware that the venom the coastal taipan injected was specialised for warm-blooded mammals: one neurotoxin paralysed the prey's nervous system, hence disabling the muscles, and then another toxin prevented the prey's blood from coagulating until it bled to death. Instead, the perentie trampled the snake's body with his clawed toes and sunk his sharp-curved backward-pointing teeth onto the snake's head. Compared to the snake's, these teeth were inferior in length, but superior in number.

The perentie did not live long enough to enjoy his battle spoil. Not a minute had passed since life had departed from the defeated snake when Squalo's javelin pierced through the gigantic lizard's throat.

Bel had been brimming with confidence that he would triumph over Squalo. The grin disappeared from his face the moment he noticed the silver-haired man returning to their agreed meeting point with two enormous preys slung over his shoulders. Even if Squalo only brought one, he would still lose to the lord of the jungle. Perenties and taipans were no common sight on account of their shyness and remoteness; there was no way Bel would manage to find one.

The sun was swinging close above the horizon when a ship came to disrupt the peace of the Varia and the denizens of the isle.

Three men were swabbing the deck, singing loudly in the worst tone-deaf voices they could possibly muster:

' _Fifteen men on a dead man's chest—_

_Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!_

_Drink and the devil had done for the rest—_

_Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!'_

Roused by the noise they were making, the captain got out from his cabin and shouted even more brassily, 'Stop! We be band 'o buccaneers, not plagiarisers! Ye just nicked th' lines from that pirate book we be readin' in th' book club, didn't ye? It's  _Treasure Planet_ , byLouis Rupert Staverton!'

'Top o' the mornin' to ye, cap'n,' greeted the three men. Then, one of them, murmured, 'Uh, it actually be  _Treasure Island_ , byRobert Louis Stevenson.'

However, upon noticing his captain's glower, he quickly sang another song, and his companions sang along:

' _We, the Cereal Pirates, be th' stro-o-o-o-o-o-ngest in th' universe._

_When enemy arise, we scare 'em away wit' our bad grammar—'_

'QUIT SIN'IN'!'

Another, who happened to be the cook, asked, 'Would you like any breakfast?'

Out of impatience, the captain roared, 'Arrr, what be wit' yer half-arsed attempt, buccaneer wannabe?! Spake properly!'

The young cook gulped before correcting himself, 'Wud ye be needin' some godforsaken…' he nudged his nearest shipmate and whispered, 'What's the pirate word for "breakfast" again?'

Before his colleague could answer, the captain had lost his temper and declared, 'Yer as useless as a chocolate taypot dense paddy. OFF WITH HIS HEAD!'

Oatibix, the seaman with bandana, asked, 'Cadge yer pardon, cap'n, but didn't ye just say we ain't plagiarisers? Then why take the catchphrase from that queen broad in that Wonderland book?'

Adjusting his curly wig, the captain mentally cursed his crew's familiarity with Lewis Carroll. He had no choice but to issue his other—and definitely overused—punishment, 'Arrr, fine! Walk th' plank!'

'Cap'n!' This time, the voice had a higher pitch and was yelled from the crow's nest.

'Now what?!' The captain cried in reply, 'Be ye sidin' wit' Nesquik, Frosties and Oatibix now, Shreddies? Be 'tis a briny mutiny, eh?'

'Nay, that's not it, Cap'n Cheerios,' answered the watchman in a frightened tone, 'Thar be land ahead, at eleven o' clock.'

'How many leagues to that isle?' asked the handlebar-moustached split-chinned captain.

'About half a league,' affirmed the watchman after he looked through his spyglass again.

'What?! Why didn't ye be tellin' me earlier?'

Ignoring the watchman's whiny excuses, such as the island's small size, the thick mist, and missing his family, the ship's captain bellowed loud and clear so that the coxswain could hear him, 'FULL SPEED LARBOARD!'

Oreo O's, the coxswain, squalled his reply about just as loudly as he steered the wheel, 'AYE, AYE, CAP'N.'

Thus, the pirates came ashore on the isle where the Varia was staying.

* * *

CHAPTER XV

Squalo was sneaking into the Varia ship. He was about to scream his usual garish morning call in the crew's cabin when the ship shook lightly.

Fran, Bel, Levi and Luss sat upright at once. 'How many of them do you reckon?' remarked Levi as he fastened his parabolas.

'It doesn't matter,' answered Bel, inserting knives and wires into his holster. 'No matter how many intruders are there, we'll finish them off.'

Adjusting his sunglasses, Luss swore, 'Touché. I  _will_  show them the grievous sin they have committed by disturbing my beauty sleep!'

Fran spoke nothing, but followed the other four rushing out of the room. The five of them split up as soon as they reached the deck.

The turn to shine came earliest to Levi, who, having run astern, encountered the first unfortunate batch of invaders. With one stunning blow from his parabola, ten pirates lay senseless on the wooden deck. Two of the pirates managed to retreat, but they could only delay their end for less than a minute; Luss was waiting for them.

Thinking lightly of a barehanded man, who might or might not have actually been a woman, the two escaping pirates charged at Luss.

'AIEEE!' One was roaring menacingly as he lifted his cutlass above his head until the metal flashed in the sunlight. His battle cry transformed into an elongated groan after he had the first taste of Luss's iron-protected knee.

His companion did not have the luxury to evade, for the eldest Varia member swerved quicker than the pirate could flinch and landed a kick on the solar plexus. The second pirate sank to the deck, a pained moan rasping from his lips.

Fran did not assume any fighting stance when a throng of pirates were closing in, attempting to besiege him. Instead, the child brought his palm close to his mouth and blew a very fine mist. The next moment, the pirates attacked one another. Metal crashed against metal, unhesitatingly slicing at their brothers-in-arms' flesh. Before long, cries and confusion mingled with pistol shots reverberated all over the ship. Blood-stained cutlasses fell along with their owners, never to rise again.

Squalo oversaw the battle from atop the main mast. From such height, the seamen appeared as crabs dancing to a lively island tune, circling each other and swinging fists in the music of their yelps admixed with the various 'thwacks', 'pows' and 'whumps'. Amidst the sounds of flesh hitting flesh, cracking ribs and wheezy punched-out breaths of the combatants, Xanxus emerged from the captain's quarters. Ignoring the invaders, he headed straight to the main mast and untied the knot of its large rope. Next, he held it tight like a cascading vine of a tree.

Squalo queried, 'Where are you going?'

'Teaching those bastards a lesson never to fuck up with my property,' answered the leader of the Varia as he swung from his own gallivat into the clipper where the pirates were.

'Need help?' offered Squalo, but Xanxus had already swung away. And even though Squalo was certain the older man could hear him, the latter had not as much as turned his head.

Xanxus landed on the furthermost yardarm of the clipper's three masts. Upon seeing the single intruder who had just made his entry in style, the captain of the square-rigged ship cast him a look of horror. The middle-aged man with handlebar moustache was instructing his squire, ''tis sunscreen lotion only has SPF 15; fetch me th' one wit' SPF 50! 'n also, th' rose-scented bug repellent! I be needin' t' enaye every inch 'o me skin be protected 'n smell like flowers before explorin' that jungle.' He was tricked out in his best—an extravagant purple coat, decorated with brass buttons, hung to his knees, and a plumed tri-cornered hat perched on his head. Yet, any dignity his finery may have granted him vanished as he cried, 'Sink me to th' devil!'

'There's no need for you to bother with this piffling brawl. Boss is nettled because those pirates intend to make this gallivat their second ship. Pirates don't usually sail clippers; clippers do move fast, but they aren't the best option for sea battle, so they are more favoured by merchants. It's likely that these pirates robbed and killed the merchants after the loss of their original ship and now they target our ship, as well, explained Bel. Blood sprayed from more than a dozen bodies of his victims. Around him, an intricate web of knife-dangling wires was set in place. 'Besides, you have your own backyard to take care of.' The golden-haired youth gestured towards the forest, into which a group of pirates began to enter.

Without further delay, Squalo swung down from the mast and dashed back into the forest. Bel's words materialized a few moments later in the form of blazing fire; Xanxus had shown every foe no mercy by burning the pirates' stock of gunpowder. The clipper was engulfed in an enormous flame and its captain and faithful followers lay scattered from stern to stern, bathed in blood.

A few of the seamen managed a narrow escape by plunging themselves into the sea after cutting the hawser that belayed a coracle to their ship. The five of them landed in the water close to each other and to the small boat; every one of them rejoiced to be alive. It was then one of the sailors noticed a passing fish slightly longer than the breadth of his palm. He realised this, of course, after painstakingly comparing the two for minutes on end.

'Behold, buckos, grub!' he pointed at the young humpback grouper.

His awkward shut-in of a mate, who had never seen the species before, looked uncertainly at the black polka dots covering the white fish's entire body. 'Yikes! What about th' risk of Ciguatera poisoning?'

'Be ye going to starve 'n visit Davy Jones' locker?'

Their argument, however, was short-lived; a school of larger humpback groupers, up to half a metre long each, swam to approach them. In a matter of minutes and a few girlish screams, all that was left were shreds of motley clothing and a vacant coracle, tossed by the countless blood-red ripples with never-ending wallowing splashes.

Meanwhile, back in the Varia's gallivat, one of Bel's opponents was still standing and, failing strength, the pirate opted for the intimidation route. The wily man in eye-patch claimed, 'I know yer dirty li'l secret.'

'Ushishishi,' Bel laughed maniacally. The pirate spoke Irish, but a prodigy like Belphegor had mastered multiple languages and had no problem communicating with men from at least a dozen nationalities. 'Which one?'

Right as the pirate started to babble out a poorly thought-out, incomprehensible story, his head flopped down and rolled onto the deck, having been severed from his neck.

* * *

CHAPTER XVI

Squalo motioned himself swiftly from tree to tree. Instead of charging in immediately, he decided to observe the pirates' behaviour first. If possible, he would rather spare these humans, whom he had regarded as rare species hitherto. Moreover, the Varia had proven to be excellent companions; perhaps these pirates could become his friends too.

He let the intruders hunt a couple of animals for their dinner. But, after the number of prey increased steadily, even exceeding the number of their hunters, and the pirates showed no indication of ceasing, the lurking islander made his presence known.

'Enough of your hunting!' he warned the rascals in the only language he could speak fluently: Vongolian. 'I cannot allow you to extort this island's resources to the brink of extinction.'

The majority of the sailors, however, did not speak Vongolian and paid no mind to the islander's gibberish speech.

Ignorant of the language barrier, Squalo noticed one pirate's unsteady feet and made his query, 'You've been careening for a while; are you drunk?'

The tottering sailor shook his head. He, as well as the rest of his mates, was Irish by birth; yet, this man was one of the few who understood the Vongolian tongue. 'No, scurvy dog, I be perfectly sober. But ye spy wit' yer eye, after sailin' on a ship fer long periods 'o the hour, we seamen become accustomed to th' rockin' 'o th' ship in th' deep. Thus, after a long voyage, thar be occasions when a jack tar would have trouble regainin' his "land legs" 'n would swagger on land.'

Another pirate took this opportunity to fire a shot behind Squalo's back; even so, his bullet and merely grazed the native's upper arm.

Squalo sprung and crashed into his assaulter. Slamming the chubby pirate onto the ground, he grabbed his wrist and gave a sharp tug. The king of the jungle flipped his adversary upright, and at the same time, stilled him with a fierce stab of the flint extending from his knuckles—a direct thrust at the lung. The victim coughed once, spattering his clothes with fresh blood, before his pulse completely stopped and his perpetually open blue irises saw no more light.

The other thirteen immediately took position to encircle this new threat, drawing their weapons as they mobilised. When four of them aimed their bullets at the wild man, Squalo's instinct told him to drag the corpse upright and use it as a makeshift shield. The silver-haired combatant swivelled round on the spot as the pirates slashed their cutlasses and dirks at the defending islander. But their dead comrade's body took it all, his lifeless form receiving blow after blow.

Squalo did not maintain this defensive pirouette for long. With a roar, he pulled the body up higher and threw it straight at three of his attackers. The impact winded them, and sent them reeling and bumping onto the massive trunks of the surrounding trees.

The remaining pirates' courage prolonged only as far as their supply of bullets lasted. When their guns emitted empty clicking sounds, more than a few immediately started to turn tail.

'Be we buccaneers or not? There be five of us 'n naught but one o' him,' rallied the captain's first mate, 'Take heart, mateys, 'n let's scrap holus-bolus!'

Yet, the expedition leader's words went in vain, for most had already fled upon witnessing Squalo's strength. Under the canopy of the treacherous leaves, among the gnarling tree limbs, the scant number of surviving pirates scurried away. In the oblique rays, the unfathomed webs of shadow wrought by the flagrant midday sun, the jungle seemed to attend with bated breath the hazardous and furtive passing of unidentifiable things. What chance did the newly-arriving pirates have against the indweller of the wild?

It did not take long for Squalo to subjugate his five fleers. The first one was even less than ten yards away when the capture occurred—his wooden left leg, although useful for his pirate-y looks, was considerably less useful for flight. The last pirate managed to evade Squalo as far as a third of the isle's circumference. At the sound of his last remaining comrade's shriek, more cold sweat drenched the pirate. The man was the tallest among his companion and was now wading through a marsh full of bulrushes, hoping that the wild islander would not be catch up with him because there was no tree to swing about.

Three royal spoonbills took flight as soon as the man treaded ankle-deep into the swamp. He was aware that these birds considered themselves to be helpless preys before a hunter, just as he was to the jungle king. The further he stepped, the higher the murky water reached his pants, which had already been as filthy as a beggar's britches anyway.

'Ew!' he muttered, but dared not stop; the distance between him and his pursuer was getting narrower and narrower.

The smelly water had reached the very tall pirate's chest when Squalo appeared at last, smothered in blood that was not his own. The pirate's heart sank. Even the wind stopped blowing, as though especially just to mock him, 'Die, Rice Krispies, die!'

The chaser waded in, embracing the swamp water. No matter how doggedly the pirate endeavoured, he could neither move out farther nor faster than Squalo could; it was in vain for him to contend in speed with such an adversary. At length, their differences in strength and skill drove the two men closer. Shoulder to shoulder, they struggled on, pushing their limbs forward in adversity to the stagnant flow and pitch of the muddy water. When the shorter man was about to outswim his prey as the stronger competitor of the two, the pirate pushed Squalo's head down.

However, the plan to drown the native man backfired. Squalo pulled his attacker below until the taller man, too, was submerged. The lord of the jungle held still. Before the fourth minute lapsed, his adversary's struggling kicks had ceased. The pirate stopped breathing permanently.

Later, when Squalo reached the gallivat, the Varia members were dumping the pirates' corpses into the sea. 'Whew, the fishes are having a party today,' remarked Fran in his ever-present flat tone.

Xanxus sat on an empty rum puncheon and was refilling his goblet with amber-coloured liquid from another barrel, muttering over how bad the pirates' grog tasted.

'How did you manage to bring those two barrels from the enemy's ship, given that you set fire to it?'

'I simply girthed a rope round my waist and grabbed each barrel with one arm before biting the yarn and swung myself here, scum.'

'Oh, that explains the rope marks around your mouth here,' purred Squalo, as he traced the outline of Xanxus' lips with his finger in a slow, sensuous motion. Without minding the presence of the Varia on the very same deck, the silver-haired man perched on the older man's lap, straddling his legs. He licked the rim of Xanxus' mouth before cooing, 'That was a fantastic feat.'

To Xanxus, the shoddy rum did not taste as base as it had been a moment before.

'Let's hunt for dinner,' exhorted Bel to the rest of the Varia on the other side of the deck.

Levi answered, 'But we have already had enough spotted quolls for today.'

'Then we should just do some bird-watching or something,' suggested Bel, his tone increasingly haggard.

'Why are you so eager to go away?'

Before Bel could press the issue further, a black object flew overhead and landed a couple of yards away from Levi's foot. It was a panther skin loincloth.  _Xanxus'_.

Fran wasted no time to comment, 'Squalo hoicked it from boss' body just a moment ago and now he's making the preparation to slip between boss' legs.'

Through gritted teeth, Levi grumbled, 'How could Squalo show such obscenity to a minor!'

'Well, well, it cannot be helped,' replied Luss gleefully as they clambered down the Jacob's ladder to leave the ship, 'Squalo has been raised among bush apes; when I asked him why he wore a loincloth, he replied "If I didn't wear this, my manly part would jiggle too much." So, there you go, jungle animals certainly aren't ones to conceal their shame.'

* * *

 

CHAPTER XVII

A week later, in a conversation with Luss, Squalo remarked, 'Why has Xanxus shunned me lately?'

'Why, of course, he's sulking, dear,' answered Luss with a girly giggle.

The jungle man raised his eyebrow. 'But why?'

'Tut-tut, Squalo dearie. Boss' feelings for you far surpass the sense of what human interest could bestow—isn't this plain to see? You're the one that means all to Xanxus and for which his soul ever pines. Since nowadays you spend your time with us more than with him, he is bound to be discontented.'

'Oh, so it's something like the bitter feeling when a young yowie hates his baby sibling because their mother's attention is diverted to the newly-born?' guessed Squalo.

Repressing his sigh, Luss replied, 'It … er, well, close enough, dear.'

'That's not good. Isn't there a way to make Xanxus happy?'

'Ooh, I can think of just the perfect method.' Luss combined this coo with the most flirtatious wink he could muster.

Squalo suddenly had the urge to throw up. Bel snorted. Levi clutched his own head in frustration. Only Fran showed no significant change of expression.

'Listen, you must draw boss' attention with your charm.' Wait here; I'll be back with an example.' With that, Luss rushed into the ship, only to return a good half an hour later in the weirdest outfit mortals could see.

The epicene had adorned himself in an extremely flamboyant costume that could easily put a carnival dancer's to shame—almost every inch of it was covered with laces or frills. On top of that, he wore a wide-brimmed hat decorated with peacock plumes. To achieve the maximum desired effect, he promenaded with an exaggerated butt-wiggling gait.

'Oh, so this is how I should appear before Xanxus?' commented Squalo.

Massaging the bridge of his nose, Levi, who had been watching since the beginning, along with the rest of the Varia, grunted, 'Luss is the worst possible role model you could have!'

Squalo scratched the back of his head. 'Yeah? So, what should I do?'

'Anything other than imitating Luss,' reiterated Levi—one Lussuria was painstaking enough; two Lussurias might force him to take drastic measures.

'Gee, what a  _helpful_  advice!' Bel let out a sarcastic snide to Levi before turning to Squalo and asked, 'You've got no stash of clothes back in your lair, have you?'

A man with no sense of fashion like Squalo could only shake his head.

'Shishishi. Just go to Xanxus without wearing anything and you'll be fine.' Bel grinned. If Squalo won and were declared worthy to be Xanxus' spouse, he wouldn't likely to lay his hand on Fran—less love rival to worry about.

'What? That's all?'

Before Bel could reply, Squalo's eyes had caught Xanxus striding among the trees, carrying a heap of starfruits in his palms and leaving a trail of the eaten fruits' seeds on the ground. 'Voi, wait! Don't go!'

'I don't give a damn! I'm still hungry.' Xanxus did not even look back, but continued to advance instead.

Squalo went after him, taking off his loincloth as he strode apace. In order to overtake Xanxus, he grabbed the tangled growth of vines, climbed on one of them and swung from one liana to another. When he almost landed in front of Xanxus, however, the last liana was not steady enough to support his weight and it snapped. He would have fallen headlong had he not managed to secure his grip on other lianas with his hands and toes. Even so, the haphazard movements rendered his arms and legs spread eagle, and his exposed crotch—each contour revealed in detail, its sac jiggling temptingly and its length swaying invitingly—was right ahead Xanxus' head.

The scarred man stopped dead in his track, blood spurting from his nostrils. His endurance granted him only three seconds before he pushed the wild beauty onto the ground and answered Squalo's confused and angered growls of 'VOI, WHAT THE FUCK?!' with hickeys as well as thrusts.

'I guess this means Squalo has successfully seduced boss, then,' concluded Fran in his constantly bored tone.

Luss fawned over the couple, 'Ah, nothing can conquer the power of love. Look at boss' eagerness and Squalo's equally enthusiastic responses. They could probably outrank Romeo and Juliet.'

The rest of the Varia supressed the urge to roll their eyes at this exaggeration, but Luss remained oblivious and said, 'Of course, when it comes to beauty alone, there are still none that can compare with me.'

'You? Beautiful?' retorted Xanxus in a disgusted tone, despite a hint of satiation in his expression, as he walked rather limply towards them.

Luss batted his eyelashes. 'Aw, boss, you're too shy to admit how attractive I am … how cute!'

'Well, some say that beauty is something you should look with your heart, and not with your eyes,' claimed Fran matter-of-factly, though a bit more patronisingly than his usual bored tone; Luss was a mother hen to the Varia, after all.

Xanxus had no chance to talk back because at that precise moment, Squalo, who had run after him, chose to tackle his leg from behind, tipping his balance. As soon as the older man fell onto the sand, his assaulter grabbed his ankles and lifted both legs over his shoulders as one would do in a back roll position. Towering above his captive with a wide grin and a monstrous stamina reflected on the stiffness between his thighs, the islander snarled, 'My turn.'

The Varia wisely chose to pre-empt the thunderous sounds of mating by heading to the jungle.

* * *

CHAPTER XVIII

The next day, a pigeon post came to disrupt their peace. Sealed with the stamped wax of the family crest, the letter bore a grievous message in the handwriting of Marchesa Alfero's personal scribe, which said that the throne had been inherited by a lad named Sawada Tsunayoshi and that Xanxus' aged mother was calling for her one and only child in her sickbed.

'Screw that,' commented Xanxus as Bel read the letter for him, 'If she dies, that's that.'

'On the lighter note,' Bel continued reading the postscript, 'Your pet liger, Bester, is also sick and no vet in town can heal him.'

Xanxus took a momentary silence, then, with clenched fists and a new resolve, announced, 'Damn! We'll set sail tonight.'

Thus, the members of the Varia were busy gathering provisions and packing their belongings for the rest of the day.

When Squalo paid them a visit, Xanxus immediately dragged him into his private cabin and pounced on him without need for further formality. No matter how many times Squalo asked what had gotten into him, the only answer Xanxus gave was persistent ramming. At last, after four hours of non-stop shagging like kangaroos in heat, Xanxus rolled to the side and announced, 'I'm leaving tonight.'

Squalo blinked.

Meanwhile, in the boiler room, Levi, who was checking the engine, wiped the sweat from his eyebrow and exhaled, 'Phew, the ship stopped shaking. They must've finally finished.'

Back in the cabin, Xanxus asked with an air of impatience after Squalo failed to answer him. 'Are you deaf or what, scum?'

There was a forced cheerfulness when the king of the jungle replied, 'So, when will you return?'

This time, rather than answering with words, Xanxus gave him a long, silent stare.

'You're not coming back, huh?' Squalo tried to make his tone sound carefree, but he had to look away; suddenly it stung his eyes just to catch a glimpse of his partner. He donned his loincloth as quickly as he could, wishing to leave before he was caught doing something embarrassing, such as pleading the older man not to go.

It was not before the silver head reached the cabin doorway that he heard his scarred companion say, 'Are you coming with me?'

'WHAT THE HELL?! YOU ASK ME TO ABANDON MY KITH AND KIN, MY HOME, MY EVERYTHING JUST FOR  _YOUR_  SAKE?! I'VE GOT NO PLACE IN YOUR SO-CALLED "SOCIETY"! I BELONG HERE, IN THE JUNGLE!' Squalo delivered his reply in a thunderous storm; so loud was his yell that the Varia members scattered on the various locations in the ship considered donning the earplugs they had crafted for the pair's lewder interactions.

On the deck, Bel said to Luss, 'Here it comes, their break-up quarrel. I bet 1,000  _rial_  that Squalo won't leave his apish brethren!'

'Oh, but love will conquer all, honey; just you watch. 3,000 goes to the bet in which he will choose our boss over them,' replied the epicene.

But as soon as those words were said, Squalo stumblingly ran past them, chased by Xanxus' booming voice, 'You're Superbia Squalo Silvestri—Conte and Contessa Silvestri's son and heir!'

Luss gasped and placed both palms over his cheeks for a dramatic effect. But, as always, nobody paid attention to him.

No word could capture Squalo's expression more accurately than 'indignant'. Deep down, he had already suspected this since years ago. But accepting that he was the son of humans would mean denying his parenthood to Apari and Kanyini, who had raised him hitherto. The bush apes might have been hairy, humongous in size and generally nasty to behold, but they had been there for him all along.

Abandoning the ship, the islander leapt over the bulwarks and swam ashore. Afterwards, his tanned body disappeared behind the trees and Xanxus' voice resounded no more.

Squalo kept swinging from tree to tree until he arrived at the Silverstris' tree house. Now that Fran had taught him nearly a thousand kanji characters, in addition to hiragana, katakana and Roman alphabets, he was sure he could read the conte's journal. There had to be something that contradicted Xanxus' claim. He was born in this jungle. He had to be the son of bush apes, not humans.

Meanwhile, Xanxus plodded alone on the shore. Although his gaze never left the ground, he let his feet move without being mindful to watch them. Instead, his attention was devoted to his shadow, which grew longer as the sun moved towards the horizon. Only yesterday, Squalo's shadow had been by his side, but starting from now on, each of them would be the only one to traverse his own path.

Xanxus had taken Squalo for so many times, yet the desire within him was equal to a thirst that could not be quenched and strengthened by hunger that could not be sated. The haughty Vongolian might be the one who first taught the primitive man the language to be spoken amongst people, but it was Squalo who taught Xanxus the language to be felt instead of heard—the language of affection.

The tide was coming in and there was only a narrow strip of firm beach between the water and the rock cliff, which had been pitted by the natural course of the sea. Still, the raven-haired man strolled, mindless of the marine spindrifts that were spraying upon his disgruntled face. Far off along the beach, the Varia discussed their lord's troubled mind.

'No matter how I see it, there's no better word to fit boss' condition than "pathetic". Why didn't boss take Squalo by force? He always got what he wanted,' asked Levi.

'Shishishi. I thought you'd rather hog boss for yourself,' replied Bel. 'I even heard boss' roar last week, "Get away from me, scum! Do you think I'd sleep with  _anyone_?!" And the next thing I knew, you stormed off from cabin, half-naked and covered with snots and tears.'

Levi looked embarrassed by this reminder, but he said, 'It's better to have Squalo by his side than having our boss in such a miserable state,' he then added in a murmur, 'Besides, that brute is surprisingly not as difficult as he could have been to get along with.'

'Well, it proves, doesn't it? Our boss must have been so deeply in love with Squalo that he even regards his beloved's wish above his own. Oh, an extraordinary thing, a dash of the divine in it, to be in love,' hummed Luss as he wiped a tear of sappiness from the corner of his eye.

Before Fran could add anything in his usual deadpan, they all saw Xanxus crouch down and continually beat his fists into the sand. So foul was the swearword he was roaring that Vongolian dictionaries refused to list it. The marchese punched. And swore again. And punched again. The act was repeated until he ran out of breath, several minutes later. He lay on his back on the beach, with grains of sand soiling him.

Now finally given a say, Fran reckoned, 'This can be worse than we've anticipated. As soon as we set our feet at Vongola Land, he'll gobble up three or more barrels of wine, no doubt.'

* * *

 CHAPTER XIX

In the tree house, the frustrated Squalo pounded the desk, on which his true father's journal was left open. Its legs had been ravaged by both time and termites, and with this minimal agitation from him, the wooden desk collapsed. The islander only stared; inside him, his heart was likely crumbling, too.

Based on the late Umberto Silvestri's journal, Xanxus' statement was no less true than the fact that the sun rose in the east. Furthermore, the absence of siblings had made Squalo suspect for a long time that his foster mother lacked the ability to conceive. The other female bush apes had often talked behind Kanyini's back regarding the wretchedness of their chief's offspring, but upon noticing his presence, they would hush themselves up, forced a grin and corrected their words by saying that to have an ugly child was better than none.

Squalo leaned against the wall. An unknown, strange loneliness seized him. No more Luss and his amusing deportment. No more Levi and his combative spirit. No more Bel and his eerie grin. No more Fran and his mechanical voice. But worst of all, without Xanxus—his strong hand, pantherine charm, grouchiness, arrogance and, of course, their great fuck—Squalo felt so weak, as though his reasons for living were gone. Before these Vongolians came to this isle, leading the bush ape tribe seemed to be a future firmly set for him—something that could not go wrong. Now, it seemed like a farce how him, a human, claimed the leadership of them.

Looking out from the log cabin's window, Squalo contemplated where was meant to be. Beyond the dense trees and the rocky cliff was the topsail of the Varia's ship, its brown mast blended in harmony with the red sunset. He already missed them; how could he possibly endure another day, let alone a lifetime, without them? With that, his thoughts blended into a decision.

Squalo hugged Kanyini as soon as he arrived at the bush apes' lair, panting out of breath. 'Mama, I'm leaving. I may not return, but I'll hold you in my heart wherever I go.'

The bush ape froze, wishing that her ears had played tricks on her. However, her foster son spoke again, 'Thanks for everything.'

Only then, the realisation hit her: she could no longer hold what once had been a frail little babe in her arms. Tears began to roll down her cheeks.

Apari climbed down from a higher branch and put his hairy hand on Squalo's shoulder.

'We've known this all along. From the moment my trembling hands picked you from a tree house and placed the lifeless body of a yowie baby—my own son, who died soon after he was born—under your cradle, I've had a premonition that one day, your kind would take you away from us. When you brought those humans to our lair, I became almost certain that the day you'd leave us was at hand,' uttered Kanyini between her sobs. Her embrace around Squalo's back tightened.

The other bush apes were now craning their necks from their respective branches. Some of them, especially those who used to be Squalo's playmates during his younger days, shook their heads downheartedly.

Apari's eyes glimmered with misery, but from his mouth, solemn words flew, 'Go, son. Seek your own future. Our blessing is with you.'

After hugging his foster parents one last time, Squalo dashed shoreward. The tribe of bush apes watched him go with unspoken gloom.

When Squalo arrived at the Varia's usual campsite on the beach, the fire was out, smokeless and dead. No longer did the watchers huddle around it, for they had long gone. Next to it, lay a pile of twigs and dry leaves, still unused. He looked at the sea and noticed the white sail contrasting to the darkening sky. However, the moving lump that was the Varia's ship grew smaller and smaller with every passing second.

The grey clouds had overtaken the skies. Rain tumbled down; each drop pierced Squalo's skin and stabbed hard into his heart. As the last rays of daylight dwindled and disappeared, darkness settled down on the shore. Yet, uncaring for the lightning that tore down from the evening sky, he plunged himself into the sea.

Squalo swam as quickly as his arms and legs could carry him, spurring every motion while disallowing himself to be exhausted. At this time of the evening, the coldness of the water soaked into his pores and the wind was chilling to the bone. Fortunately, the same wind helped to bring him closer to his destination. One stroke after another, he persisted. Little by little, the distance between the ship and his body narrowed.

In the meantime, from the crow's nest where his post was, Fran noticed something advancing on the water. 'Hand me the binoculars; I need to make sure that thing isn't a white shark with a vendetta against us.'

Luss, who was checking his reflection on the binocular lenses for the umpteenth time that evening, peeked into the device straightaway. 'Ooh, it's Squalo dear. Look, he's coming this way! Love prevails, after all.'

One by one, the Varia crew snatched the binoculars from Luss' hand. After ensuring that Squalo was swimming towards the ship, Levi pulled the sails and Fran stopped the engine. At last, the current was bearing the swift-swimming Squalo and the Varia's gallivat westwards at an equal rate. Xanxus, came out from his cabin, his face sulky-looking. 'What's the matter, scums? What the fuck are we stopping for?'

Then, he turned at the direction where everybody else was looking. There was a strange tugging at his guts and his sunken heart began to soar once more. He watched breathlessly as Bel threw a rope into the ocean and the familiar bloke climbed his way onto the hull. Droplets of seawater glistened in Squalo's silver hair and on his tanned skin. No matter how many times Xanxus witnessed such a sight, his mind's eye told him the same conclusion: the man before him was the most damn gorgeous creature on earth.

As Squalo stared back, he shivered; and it was not because of the cold draft blowing onto the ship deck, fanning his brine-drenched body. It was Xanxus. The older man's eyes were fixed upon him as though there had been nothing else in the world that he desired more than Superbia Squalo Silvestri.

'You want me.'

Jaw clenching, Xanxus' brown eyes locked onto Squalo's hazel ones, hesitating whether to ward off the accusation or to embrace it.

'Well, don't just stand there, you dozy arsehole. If you want me to leave, say it!'

Only Squalo, only this man could turn a curse into a benison in Xanxus' ears.

'I…' Xanxus mumbled. It was no easy task to speak in all honesty when his men were watching wide-eyed. Luss unpretentiously interloped his fingers as though praying for happiness. Levi, who was unrolling the sail rope, suspended his arms in mid-air. Bel did not let go of the steering wheel, but his head turned sharply at Xanxus' figure. Even Fran was peering from above his book.

Xanxus bellowed, 'STOP TREATING MY EVERY WORD LIKE A BLASTED PROPOSAL!'

Instantly, the crew resumed their activities, though not before stealing a glance from the corners off their eyes.

'Tsk!' The Varia leader cleared his throat and began, 'As of today, I forbid you to leave m—'

Before Xanxus could finish his grandiose speech, a passing seagull decided to grace his head with the presence of its dung. Xanxus, in turn, drew his gun and did the flying bird justice by shooting it to death.

Squalo folded his arms across his chest, irrefutably unimpressed; the wind ruffled his long hair and he blew the streaks that covered his face with a pouting mouth. Rather than reattempting to convey his feelings by means of words, Xanxus did what he was better at: action. With one smooth sweeping motion, he claimed the younger man's lips.

'I get it. I'll follow you, boss,' the silver head told him with a smile, as soon as their wet and passionate tongue-wrestling ended.

Little did Xanxus know that this man would follow him around and call him 'boss' till the day he died.

* * *

EPILOGUE

'Is that how the story ends?' asked Lambo without stifling his yawn.

'No, no,' replied Lussuria, 'Later, Squalo condemned the Vongola Land for not allowing him and Xanxus the pleasure of publicly groping each other. Therefore, the two of them returned to the jungle and the Varia would visit them quarterly to bring Xanxus' wine supply. And in this paradise-like isle, their honeymoon lasted for the rest of their lives. The end.' With that, the epicene finished his tale.

'Hey Luss, what led you to believe any part of that tale was appropriate for a minor?' asked the golden-haired youth with a lopsided tiara who stood at the door frame, together with two other Varia members.

Lussuria's eyes darted from Belphegor to Fran to Leviathan. There was no need to question where Squalo and Xanxus were; Xanxus' bedroom was directly above this room, and judging from the ceiling that had been vibrating for far too long, those two had to be doing their usual exercise routine. Had the room not been soundproof, they could probably have heard the squeaky sound of bedframe and lots of swearing. With a proud smile, he answered, 'Of course it is. I've even purposely taken out the smutty parts.'

'I still think that no parents in the right mind would tell such a heavy boys' love theme to their little child,' Leviathan scratched his chin.

Lussuria emitted a high-pitched laugh. 'Nonsense. It's better to be early than to be late.'

'So, do you like the story?' The teenager in a frog costume asked the cow-geared little boy in his usual monotonous tone.

'No way, it's the most booooooooring story Lambo-san's ever heard, with too many weird and long words for Lambo-san to care.'

Lussuria gasped in shock and then stormed outside the room, a stream of glistening tears following behind his dramatic escape.

Leviathan sighed. Then, the tallest member of the Varia, too, departed to comfort his colleague.

'What's up with them? Oh, whatever! Lambo-san's going to sleep.' With that the little boy laid down.

Fran covered him with a blanket whereas Belphegor switched off the light. 'Goodnight,' they said in unison upon leaving the room.

It took several silent seconds before the kid made his reply heard, 'You know, Lambo-san starts to wish to have mum and dad like you. Goodnight!'

A few minutes later, snores filled Lambo's room. Belphegor and Fran had walked into different directions, trying to conceal the tints of crimson on their cheeks and failing miserably.

OWARI

* * *

OMAKE

'Marchese and Marchesa of Simon,' announced the herald pompously. Tonight, King Tsuna and Queen Kyoko were giving a ball to over a thousand guests in celebration for the birth of their son and the heir to the Vongolian throne.

A young couple emerged from the lavish double door by which the herald was standing. Into the grand ballroom of the Vongola Castle, the auburn-haired Enma, arm entwined with his wife's, stepped forward with a benign smile. Marchesa Simon's other arm was gracefully bent and her hand occupied in lightly holding out the gown so that its long train did not trip her on the journey down the stairs.

After leaving the bottom of the staircase, they joined the crowd of guests who immersed themselves in cheerful conversations amid the clinking crystal glasses. Under the lustrous glow of the chandeliers, the gems on their garments twinkled no less brilliantly than the stars visible from the lofty windows.

The herald's gaze was back at the scroll in his hand and read, 'Marchese of Alfero and…' he paused slightly, eyes narrowing in a squint underneath his knitted brows. There had to be a mistake in this guest list; it had been rumoured that Ira Xanxus Alfero would come to this ball with his betrothed. How come it was a  _man's_  name that was listed next to his?

The herald continued, '… Contessa of Silvestri.'

A raven-haired man whose figure was etched in scars came forth. Despite his magnificent garb, he had the grimness of a dragon roused from sleep in his face. On his side, walked another man with waist-length silver hair and breathtaking beauty. Upon seeing the herald, the marchese's companion halted. Next, he grabbed the royal announcer by the collar and lifted the frightened man off the floor as he snarled dangerously, 'Who's this "conte _ssa_ " you're talking about, cur?'

THE END


End file.
